Firstly I wanted to say sorry for being so downbeat in my last post, usually I'm able to find a bit more balance and positivity. Thank you so much to everyone who took time out of their day to comment or send me a personal message. Your kindness, compassion and wisdom have warmed me so much, your own personal stories that you shared with me have given me courage, and I'm feeling enveloped in a collective hug. Thank you for your generosity of sprit, I am deeply grateful, J x
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At the beginning of April it was the two week Easter break from college and so we had Toby here full time, and do you know what – it's been a good time.
During this time I've not tried to do anything at all other than meet his needs and potter around without any aims whilst he's been busy watching his dvds or looking at his picture books. We walked every day, rain or shine, and those have been some of the best times, when he's been at his most relaxed and happy. And when he's happy, we're all happy, my wellbeing is definitely deeply intertwined with his.
These days of 'down-time' have made me rediscover something that I've lost hold of in recent years, and that is that meeting Toby's needs is not the problem. The difficulties actually arise from trying to fit in everything else.
I've realised that I've fallen into bad habits with work. The first thing I do each morning is check and respond to my emails and messages while my pot of tea is brewing. Checking and replying to emails is the last thing I do before bed too, and I'm often typing as quickly as I can when I hear the last strains of Richard Scary's 'best silly songs ever' dvd at 11pm, which is what Toby has watched for the last 20 years as his last dvd before bedtime (autism dictates a rigid and reliable routine). I don't usually have any set daily downtime, and as a result I'm often trying to concentrate on things that need my full attention whilst Toby is around. Inevitably I'm interrupted, loose my train of thought, and get grumpy and frustrated, and as a result nothing gets done as well as I would like.
When you work for yourself, especially if you work from your dining room table, the lines between work and home are blurred. It's hard to give yourself permission for time off and all too easy to keep the pressure up to keep doing more. I don't yet have a firm plan of how to tackle this, although to begin with I am going to try to put some 'office hours' in place to try and regain a little balance in my days, but I'm now certain that I do need to change the way that I'm currently doing things in order to stay well and be able to care for Toby long term. It's a long overdue realisation and I'm glad it has finally dawned on me, hopefully it will help going forward.
Since he returned to college last week I've been spending a lot of time thinking, some of it out in the bluebell woods, and it's been beautiful and peaceful out there. I've also been working on a little pattern writing and am getting closer to finishing off my spring lamb too, I hope to have her ready for a giveaway in the next few weeks.
I hope that there's some goodness in your days at the moment, and if things are a bit wobbly for you, I hope that you soon find the beginning of a path leading to better days ahead,
J x
little cotton rabbits 
I’m so glad the bluebells are bringing you a little joy Julie … hope life for you sorts itself out soon and you enjoy a little peace, I think as humans no matter what our circumstances we put way too much pressure on ourselves, its good to step back especially if like you, life is full.
V xxx
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The bluebell wood looks beautiful.
It took me a long time to realise that I made an unrealistic to do list every day. I now have one or two things on my daily list and if I get anything else done it is a bonus.
You must have some me time so setting office hours is a good thing. I am sure we will understand if you don’t reply to our emails quickly. We would much rather have you happy and able to enjoy your knitting and your me time.
Sue
Setting your own office hours is a very good idea. I have to remind myelf often that life is all about choices. I can choose my thoughts! I can choose what I want to spend time on! The trick is giving yourself permission. I vote with all your admirers and give you permission to put yourself first!!
Bluebells are lovely! Hugs from Arizona!
I always think of you when I see bluebell photos. I’m so happy that Raster break was lovely. It’s hard to prioritize when there are so many needs but self care is so important. Sending best wishes that things settle in for a good life/work balance for you and sending love.❤️
Bonnie
That is wonderful news Julie, so glad you have found a better way to plan your daily hours for your family and your business alike. I think we all have been in situations where we found ourselves in a rut that was just not working and needed fixing. I’m sure your beautiful woods will heal your frayed nerves more than anything. All that green all that blue, all that fresh air just about jumps out from your gorgeous pictures. Thank you so much for sharing them with us. Sending love and light your way.
Annette ❤
I too have enjoyed the bluebells. They are such a stunning colour.
My way of coping is to have a list of what I need to do…I have allowed myself to let the ‘list’ itself to have the responsibility for the items on it and it is then my choice to choose ‘ to do’. That way I am able to keep track but not feel overwhelmed. It allows me to have time for me.
Our bluebells are somewhat behind those! Thanks for reminding us what beauty there is, even in the wettest spring…
Can I recommend a book – the 5 resets by Dr Aditi Nerurkar – she talks through how to manage stress which is always useful as you never know when life is going to throw a curveball, however well you’ve planned things.
Glad to know you all have had a restful Easter. We are not simply what we do or create, we are ourselves in all the rich beauty and flawed humanity that we possess without even realising it.
One of my favourite sayings is that one cannot pour from an empty cup. It was first pointed out to me about 30 years ago after my marriage had ended and I was juggling 5 part time jobs and 3 young boys. Needless to say I was not doing any of it very well and ended up with health problems. But I did take the message on board (as best I could) and have been mindful of this ever since – not saying I always get it right though! I am so pleased that you are going to take off your Super Woman cape when you can, and are restoring some balance where possible. Many of the things that we think are urgent/important to get done at once, simply aren’t. When we get down to the nitty gritty of it all, “family first” is the way to go. There is a Maori proverb in NZ – “He aha te mea nui o te ao? He tangata he tangata he tangata!” which translates to “What is the most important thing in the world? It is people, it is people, it is people!” And the most important people are our nearest and dearest. Sending big hugs – lovely photos by the way! And is that dear little lamb really going to be called “Minty”?