March has been full of extra challenges here, a two-steps-forward one-step-back kind of month.
Amy went into hospital for surgery on her complicated wisdom teeth, which required a general anaesthetic and, for someone with quite intense anxiety issues, this was very difficult for her. We're proud of her for coping, and she's now recovering well.
Planning for Toby's life after college has been an adventure in stress management, and as yet is still unresolved. My mind is a cacophony of worries about his future and the impact that has on all of our lives as H & I grow old. And Toby has been struggling to cope recently and has had to stay home from college a couple of times after injuring staff. With all of this to juggle any hope of me being able to concentrate on a task like pattern writing has completely gone out of the window. In fact I can't seem to concentrate on anything fully at the moment. I can't even choose a shade of green to finish my Spring lamb and instead have managed to start a rabbit and a bear, flitting around with my knitting too.
The other day I sat down with a notepad in front of me a tried to write a list of things that would promote some calm happiness in my life and all I had on my list was 'going to the woods'. Going to the woods is enough for now, those quiet solitary interludes help me to top up my batteries just enough, but in truth I long to have something more exciting to look forward to with eager anticipation. It would be so liberating to wake up in the morning and think to myself, 'what shall I do today…?'; to do something on a whim without meticulous planning to fit around other people's schedules; over even simply to choose what time I go to bed at night, when to take a bath, or just to be able to sit and concentrate on something, anything, without constant interruption in order to meet someone else's needs.
But that is not my lot, and so I must choose to either wallow in self-pity or try to embrace the gifts that each day can bring if you look hard enough. I'm coming to realise that since I cannot change my circumstances the thing that I must change is my mindset and have started reading 'A Book for Life: 10 steps to spiritual wisdom, a clear mind and lasting happiness' by Jo Bowlby and I really hope it delivers on that tantalising title.
Happily being out in the countryside always does bring me pleasure, and there are many small joys out there now that Spring is arriving: the gradual building of bird song each morning, each week a little louder and with a few more voices, gathering towards the full beauty of the dawn chorus that comes in April; wild daffodils and wood anemones nodding in the spring breezes and the field boundary hedgerows now clothed in cloud-like blackthorn blossom. And I am grateful for the small sustaining pleasures of seeing the beauty of nature.
I hope that you're finding some moments of peace and pleasure in your days too, J x
little cotton rabbits 
Eu amo acompanhar seu blog e seus animais de tricô, são uma inspiração para mim 🥰 Desejo de coração que você encontre as alegrias escondidas no cotidiano. Não é fácil… em nenhum lugar do mundo está fácil…
Abraços quentinhos do Brasil. Aqui é início de Outono 🤎🍂
I hear an unusually melancholy tone in your words Julie. Sending you positive vibes and a virtual hug and wishing you peace and positivity in the coming days.
Your picures are as beautiful as ever and your knitting never fails to inspire. Thank you for the joy you bring others, even when you face challenges in your own life. xx
Dear Julie,
I hope things will get a bit (a lot to be honest) easier for you.
Love across the pond from Holland,
Carolien
Dear Julie,
WhenI read this post today it was rather startling to realise that it must becoming up on 25 years since your wonderful little rabbit “Bluebell” came to live with me here in Australia. Over that time she has resided in a stone house on a hilltop bush block just outside of Canberra, in a farmhouse with the most beautiful garden and orchard in a place called East Buln Buln, into an extremely small weatherboard house in Warragul Victoria, that had the advantage of being only a five minute walk to our children’s high school, and now finally into a splendid old large house in Wee Waa NSW that features three hundred year old jacaranda trees and a sixty year old frangipani tree by the front door.
When I first started following you my first born son, Alexander had just started school, and now in around six weeks he will be turning 30! Thank you for all the delightful designs and your wonderful photography over that time.
Just wanted to send you a little ♥︎. You are so very lovely and kind!
I have no wonderful words of wisdom Julie, I wish I did but I am sending you the biggest hug that I possibly can!!
V xxx
Dear Julie
Thank you for taking the time to share.
I admire your ability to express your current emotions and to find the beautiful details of the simplest things.
I just wanted to let you know that I read your post from the heart, and that if it is of any consolation, I am here for you
When I am worried about possible things to come, it helps me to breathe in and out trying to come to the present moment when those things have not happened yet.
Hope this helps.
Regards, Maria
Dear Julie, I just read your post and my heart goes out to you . I am very grateful for your springtime photos and that you open up us, your Little Cotton Rabbits community, and share your personal challenges. You teach us all to look for the things in life that give us pleasure in stressful times. Sending you a big virtual hug from Phoenix AZ. 😘
Julie when i read your post this morning and revelled in your photos I heard your longing in the midst of your circumstances. When I see your photos I see the beauty in creation in nature all around you and as someone who also loves her camera I wonder if this creating or capturing fills you up like it does me♥️♥️ To hear birds chirp, feel the sun or even rain on your face maybe this time behind your lens brings joy as when you share it with all of us it inspires and brings joy to all of us. So may you have more moments this week where you can breath and know that we who love your creativity in all things are also standing behind you sending love and prayers for what you need today, this week, and in the months ahead♥️
On a side note i use the Merlin app when im walking to listen to all the birds as it will identify me… then the small chirps now have names and that alone brings much joy♥️♥️♥️
Just wanted to say thank you for the joy your writing and photography brings.Life can be so hard- I have an autistic grandson- but you always seem to find beauty in all you see.
I wish you well for the future and hope life will become a little easier
Sending peaceful healing thoughts. I sympathize with the difficulties of trying to get some work, any work, especially creative work done with the constant interruptions of health issues, anxiety and being a family member care giver. For me my self soothe has been to watch my crocuses bloom. Very often March here in north central Massachusetts blasts the crocuses as soon as they peep out with ice storms or unexpected large snowstorms. We did get an ice storm las week, but it was a small one and my crocuses survived. 😊
Dearest precious Julie with the sweetest heart of gold! I am sending immense sweetness, dearness & blessings to dear you xo, for peace & joy & immense goodness! You are such a dear & the sweetest person with a heart filled with love! For someone like me with anxiety, who finds peace & joy as sweet you do, in the simplest of precious things, I understand with all my heart xo! I wish you joy, peace, comfort & all things wonderful for dear you & your precious family! With love always & always! Please keep knitting your absolutely darling lil Rabbits xo, they are a joy for the heart & they are your heart!
Wishing you that beautiful calm and peace you send us all with your photos and your patterns. So much love out here in internet land making its way to you.
Dear Julie my heart goes out to you, I brought my mother into my home for the last few years of her life when she had developed dementia and needed constant attention – your post today brought back memories of how difficult my life was then, I felt my life was not my own anymore. I can empathize and truly hope you find your way through this time to one which brings you all some peace for the future, so glad Amy is doing well now, much love to you all and I hope you find time to enjoy the beauty of springtime – full of hope. Elaine x
Dear Julie,
I am so sorry that life keeps throwing curved balls at you right now. You have so much strength, more than you can imagine, and I admire your sheer determination.
I hope that you find some peace and some calm over the Easter period and your walks to the woods provide you with some me time and space to think or to merely clear your thoughts.
Amy has been brave – I have bad dental anxiety and don’t even find check ups easy to cope with so complicated wisdom teeth surgery sounds unbearable to me – she has been very strong.
Hugs and warm wishes to you and your lovely family and a peaceful Easter xx
Sending lots of love and encouragement.
Sending Love and prayers to you Julie…and thanking God for all the natural beauty in the world.
Nature is life’s greatest healer. Spend every minute you can, no matter how short, just soaking up the sounds and smells of Mother Nature. Huge hugs heading your way. You put your heart and soul in your photo’s they’re beautiful.
Oh my dear sweet friend! My heart aches for the heaviness in your life right now. I am so glad Amy is doing better and hope for you that soon things may be resolved for Toby as well. I also hope that you and Huw will be able to get some respite and some peace and joy in your life soon. Sending a virtual hug to you across the miles❤️❤️❤️❤️Bonnie
Hello Julie and thank you for the lovely pictures and writing. You live in a beautiful place and I hope life aligns itself for you (and T and A and H) enough that that beauty can bring some solace. Caring for someone with complicated needs and times when they require intense advocacy (with seemingly uncaring and intractable organizations) can be very draining. Fingers crossed for all of you.
PS: I’m embarrassed to admit how long I stared at that first pic (of the animal heads) trying to figure out what sort of nifty double-hooked knitting devise you were using before I noticed it was handle on the basket. Is 7:30pm too early to just call it a day?
Julie,
Hugs to you from across the pond as you navigate difficult circumstances that weigh so heavily. May you find comfort, peace, and rest as you face each new day. Thank you for the joy your work has brought during many dark days of my own. 💗
Once again you have gifted us all with beautiful pictures and lovely crafts. You have such a wealth of talent and strength and wisdom. You’ve accomplished so much in the face of such huge challenges, and still you’re able to create loveliness beyond anything I could do. Peace be with you and your whole family as you all move forward down your complicated paths in life. I know you can do it. You have a wellspring of strength and resourcefulness.
Sending you positive thoughts from Wiltshire.
Thank you for continuing to write and send beautiful pictures.
Walking in the fresh air with a huge sky above is a tonic be it daytime or nighttime.
Take care.
Sending hugs and hopes for a peaceful day. Getting outside is such a balm. As usual your photos are lovely and remind me of all the unfolding of life. You do sound like life with Toby is wearing you down. I admire your strength to be able to cope. I hope the book fulfills its promise.
Julie you always find beauty in the simplest things. My heart goes out to you. I wish we lived closer! Thank you for your beautiful photos.
All of us who read your blog would love to jump in and help you in some way. You give us so much serenity with your photos and love with your amazing patterns. Thank you! The blog reading world wants to hug you and find a way to make yours and your family’s life easier and calmer. If only we could!
Sending good thoughts your way. I always love your photos of the English countryside and totally understand the way nature gives you comfort. Thanks for your posts!
Sending you love and warm wishes; I hope that things settle down soon.
Julie, My heart goes out to you. You bring such joy to others with your knitting and photography. I know we all wish we could repay you in some way and help with your burden. Know that your followers are sending love and hoping for peaceful days to come.
I just knit one of your projects for the first time and I am so happy with how it came out! You are such an incredible mom and have been an inspiration to me during my first pregnancy. I hope to spend time outdoors creating a beautiful life for my kids like you have. Thank you for sharing!
Thinking about you loads and sending much love!!!
My heart goes out to you with all the difficulties you face. I am glad that you find solace in nature. I hope you find comfort in all the messages sent to you which show the level of love and support for you. I hope your live becomes easier soon
Thinking of you Julie over this Easter time and sending you love and best wishes. I hope you can find some peace and time for yourself. I love blackthorn and as always your photos are wonderful; we had a blackthorn tree once and enjoyed some gorgeous sloe gin from it’s fruit. Also memories of having my wisdom teeth out under general anaesthetic and the bruises which travelled down my body for days afterwards; give Amy my love.
DiAnn said…
This is a wonderful day, ‘Good Friday’ and to know that you are loved and every care you have is noticed by our heavenly Father. His mercies are fresh and new every morning 🌄. We care for a disabled adult son, and through our trials, the Lord shows his blessings in the midst of all of life’s challenges. May ‘He’ keep you ❤️ and yours in the hallow of his hands. Respectfully your Friend.
I’m so sorry that life is so hard for you, I hope that things can be worked through and that Toby and you will get the support you need. I have 2 friends who have decided that the best way forwarded for their offspring who need support is looking at long term provision where they know they will be safe as they themselves get too old to safely care for them. Whatever you decide, I know it’s a long hard journey. Holding you in the light.
Beautiful lady and amazing mum. Sending you my very best wishes.