In the depths of winter, when dusk arrives just after 3pm, my favourite place to sit and knit is snuggled up by the fire. But once the days start to lengthen and warm I’m itching to get outside and sit in the shade of the tree, with the touch of a warm breeze on my skin and the spring song of small birds in the tree above. The first outdoor knitting session of the season is always to be savoured and I am enjoying mine today.
It’s been a bit of a tough week here. As you may know if you’ve visited me here before, my son Toby is severely autistic, non-verbal and has extreme behavioural and learning difficulties. Any change to established routines can cause him (and therefore us) a great deal of distress and due to factors outside of my control this has been a week where routines have been firmly out of the window. Today he has gone for a respite short break and so I am sitting here quietly re-charging my batteries with some gentle sock knitting and lots of tea in my beautiful new mug bought from the very talented Makiko Hastings. Such small things bring great pleasure here and by the time he comes home later today I will be feeling calm and refreshed and ready for the challenges of the school half term break next week.
I am deeply grateful that Toby currently has somewhere to go for occasional short break respite that is safe and caring. Though sadly only until he turns 18 in October, as after that he will be under adult services, and the thought of what may be available to him then is quite frankly terrifying. Here in the UK this week the current affairs programme Panorama has exposed abuse and violence at yet another facility ‘caring’ for autistic people. If you have a moment and feel that vulnerable individuals should be safeguarded from such torturous abuse, please could you sign the National Autistic Society change.org petition ?
Thinking about what the future holds for Toby and other young adults like him is frightening, and we will do absolutely everything in our power to keep caring for him here at home for as long as we are physically able to. But for today I am choosing not to think about that. Today, I am here in this moment with my tea and knitting and a little cheescakey treat 🙂 I hope your day is full of peace and pleasure and that those you love are safe and happy x
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Sock pattern: Wildflowers and honeycomb sock by This Handmade Life, details of the yarn and needles I’m using are here.
little cotton rabbits 
I have happily signed this petition and will be sharing it too. This is a disgrace and the needs of our most vulnerable member of society and their families are being overlooked and discounted in so many ways.
I’m glad you’re taking this time to recharge your batteries. Enjoy. And I hope things are calmer when Toby gets home.
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It must be such a worry for you Julie, I watched excerpts from the programme with absolute horror that our most vulnerable people could be treated like that. I am signing the petition and sharing. I hope you manage some rest over the half term. Much love x
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So sorry it’s been a difficult week, I’m glad you had a brief moment of quiet in the garden. I have gladly signed the petition. Sending you a cyber hug and my best wishes. CJ xx
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As mum to a 19 year-old daughter with severe anorexia plus a recent diagnosis of ASD and plenty of experience of inpatient units, we too were horrified by the appalling attitudes and treatment by staff of vulnerable patients in the Panorama programme. We are not even beginning to get our heads round the autistic diagnosis yet as D is in hospital at the moment, plus my mum has just died – I’m trying to follow your example of being in the moment and recharging batteries – being in the garden helps, and I keep meaning to pick up my long-abandoned first attempt at sock knitting… I do so hope you and Toby will receive good and appropriate support from adult services….. Keep on keeping on xx
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I have graduated two sons this year – high school and college.
Therefore, I am feeling nostalgic and a little weepy about big life changes.
I am telling you that because I marvel at your amazing parent skills every day.
You are a gift for Toby, and I know that you will find your way through this challenging situation.
Mary Kate
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I’m glad you have found some peace in your garden Julie after a tough week. It must be difficult for you not to worry … you amaze me with your strength!
I have signed the petition and shared it on Twitter.
V x
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My heart goes out to you and your whole family. I’d love to sign the petition, but I’m not sure if it would be appropriate for someone outside the UK. My husband used to work in group homes for dual diagnosis adults and I heard plenty of stories. Some of the workers are very well-meaning and kind (like my husband), some are negligent, some cruel. Sadly, some who start out with the best of intentions get worn down by the work, as you can imagine, then they slide into undesirable behavior. You’d like to think that good supervisors would keep an eye out for trouble, but they’re only interested in sweeping things under the rug so they don’t get in trouble, on up the chain. It really comes down to low paying jobs attract people who don’t qualify for higher paying jobs, and the work demands a great deal of patience. Best wishes.
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Hi Julie, thank you for sharing the petition, I have signed it and will share with family and friends.
It makes me sad and angry beyond words that this is happening in our country. The care system seems to be completely broken, we should not feel ‘lucky’ if our loved one is getting good care! For years now it appears that our politicians are thinking only about are their own political careers and can say the right things at election time but change doesn’t happen.
You are a marvellous mum to Amy and Toby and I admire you so much. Xx
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Hi julie, it’s horrible what I saw in the link, we never imagine that people would treat other equals like that… umfortunatly some patients have not suffered in vain, this was exposed and those workers should suffer the consequences. Those people should never work with people with those frailties, they don’t deserve… I too have a son inside the autistic spectrum, almost 5 years old without having the opportunity to talk with him like I talked to my eldest at the same age. he improved well in the year and half that he is having speech therapy twice a week and occupational therapy as well,I see him getting better but others evolve as well and my biggest concert his the bullying he might suffer…and I know he suffers in a non direct way because he does not give a sign he cares, he live in his thought and song, and sounds that he loves and that cause huge curiosity among others… It’s so hard to be a parent of a child/adult with special needs… Hope you can find some peace and comfort between the worries. Best regards… Susana
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I wish I could sign but sending you love from the US instead. I know how much you love Toby. So happy that for today, he and you and your husband have some support and your knitting to relax. Hopefully the coming week will be easier for all. Best, Bonnie
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Signed and shared hope this makes the government finally listen and act as they promised before. Shirley
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We all know that worry is self-inflicted and destructive. Sometimes we are overwhelmed, understandably so. Action can help and occupy the mind, you have knitting, baking, walking, messaging your daughter, time with your husband.
Research as much as possible between now and October and I hope you will find somewhere suitable and caring. Thinking of you, Carol x
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You and your family are in my prayers. I have just signed the petition.
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Hi Julie.
Signed, this issue is so important.
Your blog is beautiful.
Happy knitting
Helen (a newbie reader)
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Toby, you and your family will be in my prayers. I will pray that the future will look brighter for all of you.
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Ciao julie, scusami se ti scrivo in italiano,ma non immagini come ti capisco, anche qui in italia i bimbi autistici sono un po’ abbandonati a se stessi dopo i 18 anni, fortuna esistono molte associazioni e le persone ad alto funzionamento trovano lavoro… per gli altri non so..grazie per aver condiviso questo pensiero e la petizione…. buona giornata.
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Goodness I feel quite calmed looking at your knitting and gorgeous mug then I read your actual blog post – I’ll sign the petition and wish you all the very best. Hug
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Beautiful knitting, as always Julie. Your Toby must be such a worry at times — I hope you can find peace and help with the best sorts of care. You’re such a wonderful, loving mother – he’s a lucky boy. XOXOXO
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I’ve followed your blog for a few years now and have always found beauty and healing in your photography and writing. My youngest son was my “ray of sunshine”, sociable, happy, funny and creative. Things changed for him a few years ago when his father and I went through a traumatic break up and divorce. Since then he has been diagnosed with dyslexia for which we sought help privately. In the last year he has developed OCD, mostly involving obsessive hand washing and fear of being touched. It has been difficult to access the right help and he now has selective mutism, unable to talk at home or at school. Finding help and the right kind of therapy with which he feels happy to comply with has been difficult and time consuming.
Thank you for your beautiful blog in which you share your difficulties and heart ache and yet still find wonder and inspiration in the natural world around you.
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My heart breaks for all those who are so vulnerable and mistreated. My son has cerebral palsy and epilepsy and the thought of someone harming him makes my blood boil. Glad the program is bringing awareness to the abuse of people with special needs. I’m hoping that next week will be better for you all. I’m so very thankful that you not only share the good parts of your life but the challenging ones as well. Love from the US.
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Saying a little prayer for you and Toby. Sometimes the little things bring the most comfort.
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Oh goodness. My oldest daughter had been working with autistic children until recently. She still goes back to visit as she really loved her kiddos. As a momma, I can only imagine the stress and anguish. I have of course signed the petition but how heartbreaking that there should be a need.
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Oh my, life can be such a battle, our 9 year old grand daughter is high functioning moderate autistic everyday is a challenge for her, nothing as challenging as your situation though. Our niece is severely autistic and has also reached her 18th year, your fears are echoed here all these miles away in northern Canada, to put her at 18 at day away programs with adults is just not right, it’s no better here in Canada, our government just reduced spending programs for autism, sometimes it seems the whole world is against them! I wish you peace and strength,
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