Well, as expected this weekend has been odd. Amy and I set off with a fully laden car at 8ish yesterday morning and by 9.30 were carrying the bags and boxes containing all of her worldly goods up the 2 flights of stairs to her room on the top floor. We unpacked everything and made her room cosy and nice; sorted out all of the necessary admin; picked up her wristband for Fresher's week events; topped up her student card with her first weeks worth of money; had some lunch, and by 2pm she was all sorted and ready for me to leave. There were big hugs but no tears, because this is the start of an exciting adventure for her rather than a sad parting of the ways, and then I was on my way back home again. It wasn't until I was driving back up our road that the tears came for me – I think arriving back home without her brought things into focus. It's feeling odd here today – I keep expecting her to come skipping down the stairs in search of a snack and, as expected, it will take a lot of getting used to. We've been texting lots and will no doubt continue to do so, and the odd feeling will slip away as we adjust to the new normal. Fresher's week sounds like a lot of fun so hopefully she'll have a great time and settle in well.
There are so many things that I should be doing at this moment, most of them involving tidying up the house after the long summer months of not really bothering, but I am not quite sure where to start. The long list of tasks in my head, all vying for equal importance status, are tangled like the yarn in my workbasket and refuse to form an orderly queue and be committed to paper. So instead I'm procrastinating and knitting simple cabled pink wrist-warmers with beautifully soft Shalimar breathless in 'velvet slippers' and flipping through the new issue of Creative Countryside.
Perhaps, after a few days of faffing around and allowing myself to get reacquainted with being able to choose how to spend my own time, a plan for tackling my chores will come into focus. There are bunnies waiting to be finished too, all dressed up for spring, as I had planned to list them in time for Easter earlier this year. That's rather indicative of how this year has been; time ticking and trickling through my fingers; plans made and not realised – I need to give myself a stiff talking to – but not until I've knitted a few more rows and had another cup of tea.
Each time I glance at my left hand I think of my girl, and what she's doing at this moment. We've had these matching rings for a couple of years now (bought from the lovely Wild Fawn jewellery) – though mine is no longer a perfect circle as I occasionally catch it on the freezer drawer! And I like the fact that it reminds me of her and makes her feel close at hand still.
little cotton rabbits 
Rather nice post and made me smile over Mum & daughter loving….xx go girls xx I am at last hoping next year to actually make your delights fingers crossed after bad years with Dementia & Mam and then a couple or more weird years health with issues………..then the last 8 months of a torn shoulder made my newby knitting stop & hen out desperation started portuguese knitting suits me better than any other style the head has clicked I understand more & really settled & my tension is exceptional……..I am looking forward to knitting EVERYTHING especially bunnies & friends…………..xx 😘 xx
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Aaah Julie, it’s completely normal to feel like you do. So enjoy another cuppa, a bit of knitting and think about your lovely daughter, those jobs can wait. Amy will be having a brilliant time in freshers week, and before you know it she will be home again, with bags of washing no doubt! I do love your matching rings,a lovely idea. Xx
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Big hugs. I remember starting uni so well …. such an exciting time and lots of new adventures xxx
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Awe I’m sending you a big hug Julie, it’s hard I know! My son is in Berlin and its always comforting to know that he’s only a Whatsapp away.
Your knitting is as always beautiful and if thats what you feel like doing at the moment, then do it. The chores can wait and when you’re ready for them make a doable list because there is something very satisfying about ticking off a list. 🙂
Take care,
V x
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I’m sending you a cyber hug. A wonderful adventure for Amy, but a big adjustment for you. I hope she has an absolutely wonderful time. CJ xx
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I know exactly how you feel – my girl went off to uni last weekend & luckily she’s loving every minute. I, on the other hand, feel a little lost & rudderless. The house is so quiet & there’s no gossip each evening about the days events, her plans & what her friends did that day. We’ll all adjust but it takes a little time. I hope Amy enjoys her first week as much as my daughter has. Hugs to you.
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Some days seem like they will never end but years fly by. Parting tears seem to be the moment of change that you have no control over. Loving support your way. Get ready.. the time between holidays can drag but the years fly by. ❤️
Lori from Port Perry
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Sweet Julie,
Hugs to you! It’s so hard to watch our sweet children grow up. I have two in college, but still living at home. I know the clock is ticking and they will soon spread their wings and fly. The good news is, they always come back home, even if for just a while.
I’m so in love with your cabled mitts. I need those on my life!
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I do sympathize. I had to say goodbye to my son in the driveway since there was no room in the car for me. I was so choked up I never actually said goodbye. At least you have yours nearby; mine is 1000 miles away. Still, ten years later.
That heart wrenching day, I bravely fought back tears while I busied myself with chores, then sat down later for a good, long sob. In the weeks to come, a not-favorite SIL tried to mock me for what she knew I’d be feeling. I decided to show her by getting on with my life and threw myself into odd jobs around the house. Well, that energy lasted for a few weeks or so till that head of steam died down. Then I distracted myself by taking a crafts course at adult school. I was amazed that time sped by so quickly and suddenly I was welcoming him home for the holidays. I’d survived better than I expected.
My new hobby turned out to be buying crafts supplies, and that kept me happy for years. Eventually I had to admit it was my main hobby and output was not justifying spending. Along the way I found lots of beautiful crafts blogs to follow which allow me to create vicariously for no money at all. These crafty friends I’ll never meet have filled the void left behind by child rearing, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your wonderful knitted friends with me. They keep me company, as I pore over your stories and admire your photographic skills. It really is amazing how comforting and entertaining the internet is. So, thanks for being there for me when I needed you. Perhaps you’ll have a little more time for long walks with your camera, and for bringing your corner of the world closer to mine.
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Your rings are beautiful and the photo of your hands together is incredibly sweet. Distraction is good and those pink wrist warmers are such a lovely distraction 🙂
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I’m with you – mine went this weekend too. She was so ready to go, and so happy to be there, that the tears didn’t come then. Its such a privilege to see them fly, but also to be there when they need a helping hand. We’ve had lots of texts too and little chats as she gets used to fending for herself. Crafting is such a wonderful distraction, and I’ve been knitting the weekend away too. Lovely morning now and things to be done. Wishing you anymore lovely hours knitting and drinking tea amongst the other things that need to be done. thanks again for your knitting and designing and for your posts which reverberate so well with so many of us.
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Tears for you as I read about your trip back home! That mama’s heartbreak softens in time, so for now give yourself lots of grace. House chores get done eventually. Being kind to yourself is your best medicine for now. Hugs to you!
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Sending you a hug today. You’ve raised Any well. She’ll be home and will appreciate all you’ve done for her to prepare her to leave and grow. Keep knitting, it’s the antidote fir everything.
Bonnie
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I’m sure you will soon settle into a new rhythm of days Julie as you get used to the change in your life. Especially knowing you have prepared your beautiful girl to go happily into this new stage of her life… and she’s not that far away! Be kind to yourself x
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Julie, it’s obvious that you have a fabulous relationship with your daughter. Seeing the bird leave the nest is never easy, but think of all the wonderful experiences you’ll both be able to share now. Technology makes it so easy. There’s always Skype! I’m also in procrastination mode much of the time. Eventually, we’ll get to those dreaded tasks, right?! Very pretty knitting! Love seeing all your makes.
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Is there a pattern for your wrist warmers please?
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I’m so happy that Amy’s move to uni went smoothly. That’s sort of how ours partings’ went years ago — we were so busy on actual move-in day, that the tears didn’t come until later, on the way home. At the time, I accused the schools of planning it that way LOL. I also feel like you do — needing to do things that have been neglected during a busy summer, but can’t quite get them accomplished yet. Hoping to chisel away at the list a little at a time between now and the holidays. Hoping it will be the same for you — xoxo
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Motherhood is one long process of grieving, compensated for by the overwhelming joys that form the intertwining yang. When my eldest was born, they whisked him away to put him under UV lights, and the emptiness of my arms and belly was overwhelming. When he left for college we were living on a boat in Mexico and he flew to university in Sydney. The sensation was identical. The distance could not have been greater. The loss overtook me in the most unexpected places. I stood weeping over piles of potatoes in the shops because of the realization that I only needed 5 of them now, instead of 6. That sense of being unable to start a single task is one that we are all familiar with, and there is no sense in berating ourselves. It is probably part of the fight or flight response we get when something is amiss (the Miss Clavel syndrome!) Be gentle on yourself. It truly is a form of bereavement.
I think your matching rings is such a lovely concept that I am going to adopt it for my daughter, too.
Congratulations on such a beautiful and accomplished daughter – the result of incomparable mothering. Best wishes to her for every success.
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You are so talented, I’m going to sit and read more of your blog tomorrow, but seriously, you are amazing. I too have an autistic son.
Kathleen
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What pattern are the cable mitts please?
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