Well hello again, long time no see! The school summer holidays finished on Tuesday of last week, when Toby went back to school but to be honest I was feeling a bit exhausted, so I took the rest of the week to curl up in a quiet corner and knit socks. The long school break over summer always requires a lot of energy but this year it has been especially challenging, both physically and emotionally. It sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not – it has been a good summer for us. It's just that by the end of 7 weeks of full on Toby time I feel like a yo-yo and am looking forward to just being able to sit without needing to jump up and get a snack, run a bath, find a toy, swap a dvd or any of the countless little things that Toby constantly needs doing for him.
He has also kept me busy with lots of walks and our new favourite activity – cycling. We've found a special needs adapted cycle hire centre about 10 miles away and have had great fun cycling a side-by-side tandem around the sailing lake there. I do the steering and braking and Toby just helps with the pedalling – though it feels like he's 'glass cranking*' going up the hills and only putting any really effort in on the downward slopes when he just wants to go madly fast!
*glass cranking – a cycling term meaning to rotate the pedals without actually applying power, but trying to hide this from those you are riding with.
On the emotional side Amy had her A level exam results, which were initially a bit of a nasty shock for her, as she fell quite a long way short of her predicted grade in one subject. After conferring with her teacher and putting in for a re-mark she now has the grades of A, B, B – not quite what she'd hoped for but good just the same. It's a useful learning experience for her and hopefully she'll put her disappointment to good use and resolve not to leave anything to chance as she embarks on her degree course in two weeks time.
Oh, it feels so odd writing that! It's going to be a big change for us all at the end of September with Amy going off to Uni and living on campus (in a rather lovely en-suite bed study room with a kitchen shared with 6 others). She's only an hour away by car so is able to come back for the odd weekend if she wants to. I'm not yet sure how to feel – cohabiting with a strong willed teenager who doesn't want your advice thank you very much; leaves the new bathroom that her Dad spent weeks re-decorating in a soggy mess; helps herself to the last of the ice-cream and wakes the whole house up at crazy o'clock in the morning can sometimes make you feel like you won't miss her a great deal, but I suspect that all of that will be forgotten once she's left and I'll be very much missing her wry sense of humour, her company on movie nights, her frequent hugs and the sound of her beautiful singing through the ceiling as I sit here typing at the computer.
When she was born I remember feeling completely inexperienced and unprepared as a parent, despite all of the preparation and classes, and I feel the same kind of bewilderment now she's about to begin her independent life. The difference is that her future is now firmly in her hands and no longer in mine. We raise our children with the hope that they'll grow into capable, independent individuals and will no longer need us, but I'm not yet sure how to dial down my impulse to protect, to educate and to shield her from the worst that the world can inflict. It will take some getting used to I think.
Change is all around here and the seasons are shifting into autumn. I'm so looking forward to some solitude in the woods over the coming weeks – they are at their most beautiful under a golden autumn sun. And being able to wander at my own pace; to sit and listen to the birds in the treetops; to stop and get down on my hands and knees to look for toadstools and maybe take a photo or two will be something I very much enjoy.
Well, thanks for popping in to visit. I'm looking forward to posting regularly here again very soon, hopefully see you again then.
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Pictures above were taken at Hatfield house, July 19th 2018
little cotton rabbits 
How brilliant is the bike and so lovely you have found something that you and Toby can really enjoy together (even if you do all the peddling)!
You know what Julie you will get used to the new normal and you both will adjust to university life and what it means to you both … and its a sharp learning curve realising no one is coming into the bathroom after you to tidy up the mess and that it will still be there next time you use it! 🙂
Congrats too to Amy on her results, they were excellent.
Enjoy your ‘me’ time!
V x
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Beautiful pics! Congrats
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Beautiful pictures. I do understand your feelings. My daughter has finished undgrad (4 years) and now going on to get her Doctor of PT in TMI. She’s having a hard time — missing home, feels far away and having to find herself again with new classmates. It will all work out – but for some strange reason, I miss her more this time than I did when she first left 4 years ago. Each day gets better. Hang in there! Deb M
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Hatfield House is so beautiful…it’s an age since I last visited.
I’m twitching about completing high school applications for next year, so I can only imagine how you’re feeling as Amy embarks on this new adventure…and so do you!
Toby looks like he’s had the most fun, and that bike looks amazing!
Hoping the next few weeks aren’t too hard.
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pedalling!!! I’m blaming autocorrect!! 🙂
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Beautiful photos, the colors are so saturated. The plant growth on that fountain! and the copper kettles…I’m in love.
Congrats to Amy on her scores and moving onto uni. It’s an adjustment, but a pleasant one, surprisingly. Our 3 have now all been out of the house for good for 2 years, the older two married, youngest moved in with her boyfriend and the middle just became a mom! You never stop worrying, wondering what they are doing, etc. You just hope that you’ve given them a strong enough sense of right and wrong that they make good decisions most of the time. (Not always, you do want them to have some fun!) I’m happy that we are friends and enjoy doing things with our kids now…just drove to Florida with our son and his wife, spending 16 hours in the car each way with them and had a great time. They want to do it again next year! You are a good mom and Amy seems like a smart girl. All will be well.
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“The difference is that her future is now firmly in her hands and no longer in mine.”
That is the healthiest, sanest, clearest-thinking statement I have ever read on sending children out into the world. Well done, you! Here’s to remembering and rediscovering that YOU (and all of us moms and dads) have a life to live and adventures to experience and quiet beauty to enjoy, all still ahead of us.
Wishing you much peace and beauty, and ditto to Amy.
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Oh, that bike! How fun! It’s so lovely to put pictures with the conversation – and Toby looks like he loves it. It’s so hard to believe that Amy is grown and almost gone already. Although, if my boys are any example, it will be years before she’s really “gone” — they still need lots of help and advice during those uni years ;-D. Happy September Sweet Julie!!!
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Thank you for sharing with all of us – the beautiful pictures as well as your heart. I think we look forward to each season and then are glad when it ends and we look forward to the next one. Each one has its own lovely aspects and drawbacks. Enjoy the peace and beauty of Autumn.
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Following your blog is such a joy. Your beautiful photos, your wise words, your sharing from your daily life and of course your amazing knitting. And you live in one of my favourite corners of GB, not far from the sisters at Turvey Abbey, which I visit from time to time. Lots of love from a fellow knitter and mother in Norway.
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Lovely family pictures and moments together!
I understand your emotions about having such a grown up girl – mine is the same age, although mine is not leaving home, beginning her studies in the same city. I’m trying to appreciate little things I see positive than expect too much but sometimes it’s so hard. Big challenge for my patience to let her grow up in her own pace. It will surely come one day 🙂 Happy and peaceful autumn to all of you!
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It will be a big change indeed when Amy goes to Uni. I hope she has a lovely time there. Gorgeous photos from the summer, I love the one of you and Toby together, one to treasure I think. The cycling sounds excellent, even if you have to do most of the work! A rest is very well deserved. CJ xx
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I know how you feel ,just as we get used to one bit of parenting another stage begins.I felt very much the same when Ellie left home, and she never came back apart from the first summer which was challenging for both of us as she was used to her independence.We get on so well we now don’t live together!With Jake being back full time now for two years that has been an adjustment as well and hopefully he will be off to Japan next year which be something else to get used to! Hope Amy has a great time at Uni and love the bike for Toby xxx
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We are so lucky to have a gem like Hatfield House so close by to enjoy!!
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I sent you an email earlier today before seeing your post. So glad to see a photo of the bike you told Anna and I about. I wondered how things were going with Amy about to be gone. She’ll no doubt be home for weekends. I found my girls appreciated home and family much more as they left on their own. Here’s hoping you get some “me” time to relax and enjoy the beautiful Autumn weather.
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Just a short note to let you know how much I enjoy seeing your pictures, hearing about your family, and appreciating your knitting patterns.
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Aw Julie! What a lovely post. Amy looks rather gorgeous (love her skirt,) and Toby is so tall now. You look like a tiny person next to him. I’ll see you in less than four hours and we’ll discuss your separation anxiety…. I’ll soon put you straight. Hugs are coming……
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My youngest is off this month and I’m feeling the pull more than any of the other four. It must be because she is the youngest and the nest will be truly empty until, that is, son number three, his wife and baby move in in November! No rest will be had then and knitting in my workplace for an hour before work will keep my sanity as it has in the past. Thankfully I work in a nice art gallery/coffee shop where the coffee and company is lovely
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I only have one, and I can sympathize about those teen years and then college. I know those mixed feelings well. I saw this opinion piece https://youtu.be/ENJmJHgmYP8 on our US national news recently. Mr. Dickerson summarizes well the argument for letting go, albeit in this case letting them go off to summer camp. Still, the anxious feelings are the same. Somehow my son survived it all and is a full-fledged adult now. From that day you bring baby home from the hospital to watching them get a job and an apartment on their own, it’s all hard, but you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing they really can make it on their own, even if they stumble now and again.
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I can see from.your wonderful photos that you have all enjoyed the summer break. Amy looks very relaxed after her exams and her results are just brilliant. I am sure she will have a fabulous time at university. And Toby looks like he has had a brilliant summer too, what a brilliant bike that is. Enjoy some time to yourself now Julie. Looking forward to seeing your next project. Happy knitting.
Sue x
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No matter how old the child, Mum always worries 🙂 Amy has a great foundation to build on. Trust in the good work you have done.
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Hi Julie I remember this feeling oh so well with both our daughters! First couple of days I sat thinking why is everything all so quiet still food in fridge house tidy, bathroom vacant whenever!!!!! I thought this is great but after a few days more I found myself missing them like crazy, he that was till they arrived for weekend starving also along with biggest bag washing!!!!!! But hey Julie that what us mums do and now I’m Gwanny to two wee boys it such a joy.
Toby looks great and I dearly love his bike what a super idea, hey he has the right idea only really try on way down lol.
Julie you have a beautiful family, now is your time for a wee break to do what you want so pick up knitting and enjoy, looking forward to viewing all the wee critters.
Take care, love your blog..
Hugs
Ellie (Scotland)
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Always love reading about your life, Julie. Change is often so hard, but there’s so much to look forward to in all of your futures. Keep on doing what you do so well. All you really have to do is make your kids feel loved, and it seems you do that pretty darn well. Love what you’re knitting and always love seeing pics of the kiddos and YOU! Hugs from Kimmy ♥
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What a wonderful place you were, Julie, congratulations. I really like it when there are a lot of green flowers around and everything is blooming – it’s very cool. Although I come from the states, I had to be in Sweden and England, where I saw similar castles and the territories around them – this is beyond words. I also run my small blog and would like to share these photos for my audience. Very beautiful place, I’m happy for you!
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I love reading about your life with your son. I have four adult daughters and an adult son with autism. I feel a kinship with you! 😛your knitted friends are wonderful! I’ll stay tuned for further adventures!! Trisha
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What a wonderful place you were
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