With the children back at school there is sweet relief in the air today, which is a quiet and peaceful day full of the promise of a little time for knitting. Toby has been quite impossible over the last few weeks with many, many raging tantrums, hurting both himself and us. They've been frighteningly intense and there's been no telling when he'll come out of each nor what has been causing such extreme frustration and rage. It's made us more uncertain of the future and wonder whether at some point we'll be left with no option but to seek residential care for him. But then I need to remind myself that no-one can know what the future holds for Toby and anyway, such dark thoughts are best pushed away on a day like today because the sun is shining here and after 7 weeks of not much time to myself I now have 6 hours that I can call my very own. I'd not have you think it's been all been doom and gloom either because there have been sweet moments of cuddles, tickles and giggles, fun at the park and peaceful walks in the woods with the children.
I am also thankful for Barbara Higbie's music (which I stumbled on by accident) as it has entranced Toby (he's watched this clip more than 20 times most days) and raised my spirits too (it's impossible to feel down when this is playing)
Amy and I also managed to squeeze our garden campout into the last week.
First we went on an unsuccessful hedgehog hunt (although there have been signs that hodgers are back in our garden again after an absence of a year or so), then we made hot chocolate with marshmallows and settled down to tell stories and read until midnight.
Amy was then awake at just after six am and played on her DS while I cooked breakfast on the camping stove (I think bacon and eggs always taste best eaten in the fresh air with the slight tang of methylated spirits from the stove!)
I do feel a little melancholy that summer is drawing to a close but I can't deny being relieved that school has resumed so that Toby can settle into a routine again. I'm happy too that I can pick up my knitting again. I'm putting the finishing touches to something I've been making especially for the reception class at Amy's school, hope to have a picture of him finished later in the week.
Once I've had the chance to get a little bunny knitting done I'll be having a giveaway to celebrate my blogging anniversary but for now it's nice to be back and I look forward to catching up with everyone.
little cotton rabbits 
It is realy nice to see you back , love the campout in the garden . I do not look forward to winter because it rains so much here , but Autumn with misty mornings and watery sunshine , and an afternoon knitting or sewing wonderfull . i hope Toby settles back into his routine quickley . best wishes.
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Hi Julie, it’s lovely to have you back again.
Sorry life has been a little tough for you lately perhaps the routine of school will settle Toby down and it’s great that you’ve found the music which will maybe be a help in the future for Toby and you.
I know that melancholy feeling you’re talking about as I’m having difficulty letting summer go as well. It’s not that I don’t like autumn, it’s just it feels too soon!
So glad Amy got her camp-out. 🙂
Enjoy your knitting day!
Vivienne x
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Hello Julie,
it is nice to see you back. And sad to hear that the past weeks have been so intense for you.
The little robot chap looks great. Totally different from the rest of your work. I look forward to seeing him finished.
Enjoy your peaceful hours, Claudia
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Sorry to hear about the ups and downs you’ve had over the last few weeks, but I guess that’s life isn’t it?! I’m sure getting back into a routine will make things easier for you all, good luck with it! xx
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Sorry things have been tough – though your camp out looks fun (for both of you). Hopefully a return to routine will help Toby. Enjoy some time to yourself.
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I hope things can now return to a more familar routine for Toby and your family. The summer holidays can feel so long when all it does is rain. The camping looked fun though! And your robot looks very cute! Enjoy your day!
Pen x
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I hope you have a lovely day today and get some good therapeutic knitting done!
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I hope things get a little easier now that school has started again. I love the idea of you and Amy camping in the garden!
Gill
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Sorry to hear things have been tough Julie but I’m glad you’ve got some calm back into you day. Your campout looked like lots of fun.
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Oh! Oh! I have a tent like that one!
Looking forward to seeing Monsiuer Le Robot finished.
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I love your robot, sort of reminds me of the show a bit! Your camping adventure sounds like fun and I do hope the little hedgies return this year for you.
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Hello Julie. Your little camp looked perfect and what a wonderful treat for you both. I’m so sorry there have been such difficult times. I hope things will settle soon and that you enjoy you well-earned knitting time xx
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Oh Julie it
lovely to read your blogs. I clicked onto your blog address and it made me smile. I thought " oh lovely a colourful blog to read"m glad you are having a little R&R today, ENJOYI
Love Carole from Rossendale xxxxxxx
PS enjoy the sunshine where you are cos i`ts blowing a gale up here in Lancashire xx
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Enjoy your day knitting – it sounds as if you deserve it!
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Toby is right, it’s a very cheerful tune.
Hope life runs on an even keel for a while with the start of a familiar routine.
Love the robot, can’t wait to see how he turns out.x
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Oh I am so glad you’re back Julie. I think I’m about as ready as Toby sounds for a little routine and equilibrium to return.
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Welcome back! I’m sorry that things were so intense for you this summer, here’s hoping that returning to routine will help. Your tent is super stylish!
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OK for you, I’m back at school today with all the little darlings! Sorry to hear you have had a rough few weeks – I’m sure now the routine is back into place things will settle down. I bet the unsettled weather didn’t help. Enjoy that knitting!
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I know it’s been difficult for you all Julie, but I think you’ve gave your kids a lovely summer with lots of memories. Hopefully Toby will settle back into his structured routine with school. Let the future take care of itself. My thoughts are with you and take some time for you if and when you can. I’m going to have a listen to Toby’s music now. DawnMarie.xx
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It’s funny that we get one life. And so many things happen that we wouldn’t expect, to fill it up – some very hard things. Some very wonderful ones. Autism is so difficult, to live in the same space with someone you love, but in a different reality altogether. It’s hard enough living with dogs and horses that way – how do they think? Are they suffering? How do you tell what’s going on with them? You want to help, but there is that membrane between you, almost opaque at times. And it’s never something you can walk away from. Not even for a little while.
But your life is rich in beauty. Perhaps God felt that, knowing he could trust you with Todd, and knowing that you create beauty wherever you rest your hand, that you would be the right place for this child of his and his terrible, terrible trial. It says a lot for all of you, including your Amy. Even though you may get tired. Even though you surely get frustrated, frightened and even angry at times.
Everything I see in your life – your garden, that magical garden camp, the things you make and the skilled hands you use to make them – your sense of responsibility and your courage and faithfulness – yours is a rare life, Julie. I feel so honored and so humble, being invited into the garden from time to time.
May the peace of your day be untroubled. May you see clearly, breathe slowly, see something of unexpected beauty and wonder.
And I love the robot.
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Sorry you’ve had a rough few weeks Julie. I’m sure the regular routine of school will help Toby become more settled again.
I’m glad you’ve now got some time for yourself to recoup. Can’t wait to see the finished robot – he’s going to be fab!
xxx
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Sorry the past few weeks have been tough. Hope the return to the routine helps things a bit.
Loving the robot!
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Hi, it’s great to see you back, I hope things get easier for you and you have more relaxing time ahead of you, it’s great seeing you knitting, I love anything you make.
what is the yarn you are using for this project it looks yummy.
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People who haven’t come across an autistic child don’t understand how a school holiday can affect them. A little change in the day is enough to trigger a major outburst – a whole 6 weeks without the normal routine must be so scarey for them. I have a girl in my class whose parents are facing the same dilemma – they think that eventually she will have to go into residential school. As I pointed out, there are many upsides to this. The time that you do spend together will be special, and you will have the energy to cope after some time away. It would also be good for Toby, as his days would have a real structure and routine
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Hi Julie
Lovely to hear from you, sorry about Toby you are doing such a great job I have so much admiration for all that you manage to fit into what you make seem like such an idyllic life – you truly are superwoman!
Davina xx
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oh, my – that robot is genius! and he’s not even done! can’t wait.
sorry you’ve had a rough summer. it comes and goes. glad you’re back on a routine, we are, too today. kinda…
when i start thinking ‘dark thoughts’ about my spectrum kiddo, I remember this quote (and now i don’t remember who said it) that says something like: Our biggest challenge as parents is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears.
big hugs to your family!
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So glad you are back with us.Sorry to hear about your unsttled summer.We have some frinds whose son is autistic and he has started getting rough with them and as he gets bigger it becomes an even greater problem.They,like you, have another child but younger and they are very concerned for her.Autism is very difficult for the sibling as well and perhaps residential care would give Toby his rigid routine but allow Amy to grow and develop as well.A really difficult problem for you.Good luck.
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have you thought about a sevice dog for Toby??
I’ve heard they do make a wonderful difference.
Best of luck to you!
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oohh what a lovely tent to camp in, glad you now have time to knit and chill out for a while. Hope that Toby enjoys getting back into his normal routine so he settles down for a bit.
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You are such an amazing mother. I cannot imagine the difficulties Autism must present for Toby, you, your husband and Amy. I think you are quite remarkable. You do your utmost to meet the needs of both children against incredible odds. Whatever the future holds for you and your family I know that you will make the right decision, for the right reasons and when you are ready to make it so try not to worry about it now. Easy to say I know but I send you a big cyber hug of heartfelt support and hope that the routine of school brings both you and Toby some reassurance and relief.
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Toby will probably settle down again now he’s back in a routine… I’m presuming he’s in a sensory classroom kind of situation, with specialist teachers who will keep him engaged and calm :)…. love the camping 🙂
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hope everything works out okay with Toby now routines are settling back in , a friend of mine has similar problems with her daughter and breaks to routines. Looking forward to seeing the finished Bot man …
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Happy upcoming blogiversary!
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There is nothing like routine when it comes to autistic children. My Leo thrives on routine and if anything is different we certainly know about it. Tantrums are the norm in our house! Some days I get down and others I am on top of the world I suppose that is life when you are all living on the spectrum. Hope all has settled down now.
Sarah@theurbanpotager
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I love the little robot, but the photo of Amy holding Toby’s hand made the biggest impression. What a wonderful, patiemt sister he has!
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Holidays are hard and we all feel frazzled by the end of them….Routine works wonders for everyone not just Toby 🙂 Glad you are able to get a little time to recharge your batteries!
That camp-out looks fun, my kids hardly ever make it all night in the tent so often I am grateful that it has just been set up in the garden 🙂
Love that Robot!!
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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I hope you are enjoying these moments of peace for yourself. Sorry you’ve had such tough times lately. But your camping moments looks so very special, times to cherish. I’m having a giveaway of some new Bunny paper goods at my Blog, your daughter may well enjoy them 🙂 HUGS, Catherine xx
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How nice to see a post from you this morning Julie. Sorry to hear about the stresses of the last few weeks, but thrilled to hear of your fun camp-out — there’s nothing like sleeping out under the stars in a tent! Can’t wait to see your fun little monster completed!
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Sorry that you’ve had a difficult time recently. I hope things settle down a bit now. I love the new knitting and reading about the “glamping” with Amy. I bet she loved it. Take care Julie and hope that you get time to relax and knit now that they are both back at school.
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I think it’s brave to consider all the options for the future. No-one knows what their life holds, but having to make the decisions on Toby’s behalf must make it more difficult.
There is a respite/residential home a few doors down from us. It is a lovely place to live and (without wanting to seem at all patronising)everyone who lives there or stays on and off seems happy and contented. If it comes to that in the future it is not banishment. It is to provide a structure so all the family can be happy and fulfilled.
I’m glad you’re back into your routine again and can be a bit more settled.
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Julie, Julie, Julie,
I have been longing for a post from you since way back in August. Today was a banner day for me reading your newest post.
You are such a remarkable person, so loving, so talented, and so steadfast. I felt your worry and frustration about Toby.
Do not worry. You will always do the right thing for him..a Mother know her child best..and whenever a decision must be made you will be able to make one with the help of your hub and the specialists. My hope for you now is that you can feel the sunshine on your back while you knit in your lovely garden, bake yummy treats for Amy and Toby and continue your hunt for a Hedgie. You are so loved from afar.
Ellington, Connecticut USA to be exact.
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What a gorgeous robot! I do hope you will share the pattern with us if it is one of your own!
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O Julie, it can’t be easy. I admire you a lot – specially the way you manage to make time for Amy too. I hope the holidays wasn’t all hard work and that Toby soon settles down now there is more of a routine again. Enjoy your ‘me time’.
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I’m sorry things have been a challenge, to say the least, lately but glad it’s getting better. The campout looks like fun and the breakfast looks delicious!
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I am in total agreement with Kristin and I’m truly hoping that the back to school routine has helped calm Toby. Routine is so key (watch out is even the smallest thing is out of order), right? Sounds like you can all use some peaceful time….very frustrating when you don’t know what to do to make things better~I can’t even imagine how frustrating it is for Toby & other sweet darlings with autism. Praying for calm body & quiet hands for sweet Toby, and sunnier days for all.
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hi Julie, earlier today I was listening to podcasts of TED Talks. they are very interesting and the subjects are quite diverse. i am sending a link to a talk you may find interesting. A very impressive and forward thinking female doctor is exploring learning difficulties in children as viewed through brain waves. Hope you have time to listen.
http://www.ted.com/talks/aditi_shankardass_a_second_opinion_on_learning_disorders.html
gail
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i love your link, girly tent and cheerful robot thanks xxxxx
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