Well traditionally it’s the time for new beginnings and for resolving to change things that need changing so like everyone else I’m jotting down my new years resolutions – knowing full well that given a couple of weeks some of them will have been put aside (and number 3 will definitely never get off the ground!). Still, I love the idea of starting afresh (in school I was the swotty kid who got really excited when it was time for a brand new exercise book) and number 5 is the one that really needs my attention this year. So for the record (because apparently telling people helps you to keep them) here’s my new years resolutions…
1. to buy less prepared food and make more – I want to make all of our bread, cakes and biscuits (I have done well so far this year – my current tally is 3 loaves, 2 cakes and 2 batches of peanut butter cookies – mmm!)
2. sew some stuff. I’ve had Wee Wonderfuls put-together-pattern-book no.1 and the Crafter’s Companion for the last year and still haven’t made anything from either AND I’ve been hoarding some kitty craft fabric so there are no excuses really. I have a few other projects in mind too – hopefully at least one will get done during the next 12 months!
3. be tidier (hmmmm, like that’s going to happen!)
4. chill out about my inbox and face facts. I am never going to be able to answer all the emails or reply to all the comments unless I give up knitting! Sadly my inbox currently contains 58 messages pending a reply – apologies to all those waiting to hear from me.
5. make more time to do simple things with my daughter – she misses out so much on a ‘normal’ family life and has to put up with a lot less attention than she deserves. We’re good at the big stuff but day to day when Daddy is working Toby soaks up all of my available attention. I know I’m going to be carrying around guilt about this for the rest of my days so maybe this year I can do more stuff with her which will ease that a little.
Ali recently wrote a beautifully thought-provoking post about blogging and I think she’s absolutely right – when you’ve blogged for a while posting does take on a different flavour. I’d certainly find it difficult to turn my back on this little space here – it’s become such an important part of my daily life and it really lifts my spirits to find people sharing warmth, creativity and ideas. But that said it can be a bit of a black hole that sucks you in and spits you out 3 hours later and you wonder where the time has gone.
In order to achieve my number 5 this year I am going to have to be more disciplined about the time I spend here so whilst I’ll be around it may not be as frequently as before. Or maybe it will – new years resolutions often don’t amount to much but at least if you know what you’d like to change you can begin to take steps.
little cotton rabbits 
Hi Julie
After seeing #4 I guess I know why you haven’t answered my email! LOL.
On #5 – My little (little, hah! He’s 25!) brother has Downs Syndrome. Like you, my mother had to devote a lot of one-on-one time to him. To us, that was how it was, I never resented her, or my brother for it. In fact I think I love her all the more for being so strong and being able to deal with all the problems his condition threw at us as a family. Your daughter will remember the good times, not the times you had to tell her you were busy with her brother, I assure you. You have no need to feel guilty (although that’s easier said than done, isn’t it?!). love M
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A ‘Stelios’ ( the easy jet man) moment! In any difficulty in the air, take your own oxygen mask FIRST. When you have that, then you can begin to look after everyone else. Marie is right! And any mother will tell you from experience, it’s a mother’s role to be in the wrong, and to feel guilty!
Little cotton rabbits have brightened the world. Time for Julie! Lol :0)
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Agree with the girls above!
As regards to #2- I do this (breadmaker makes it easy) and this is a great one to get in the habit of doing. If I haven’t baked we can’t eat the fattening stuff! Sponge freezes beautifully as does cookie dough.
Can you combine #2 and #5? I have been meaning to start making our very own illustrated family recipe book, teach the boys how to make every recipe in it and give them an essential life skill. Maybe you and amy can do something lke this together?
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Please don’t feel guilty – you are amazing and I’m sure both Amy and Toby think so too. I find some level of guilt is a standard maternal function, and I don’t have half of the pressures you do. Take time to appreciate how much you do manage, rather than the things you wish you had more time for – I’m always amazed by how much I have done when I think about it.
Big hugs.
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In response to your resolution number 5;
I have a wonderful, caring, understanding and very clever husband named Lee. He is nearly 30 years old, his brother Greg is 27. Why am I telling you this? I am compelled to tell you this beacuse Greg has autism, along with other physical disabilities. When I first met Lee it seemed as if his parents neglected him dreadfully. Obviously Greg needed more care and attention than Lee but I felt hurt for Lee. That was my feeling, that was not how Lee felt at all. Lee loves his brother and his parents and grew up accepting his family situation. He believes that he can never miss a normal family life because to him, his family life was normal. What seemed unfair to me did not even register with him. What I am trying to say is, try not to worry too much about devoting more time to your son than to your daughter. If she turns out anything like my lovely husband, she will make you very, very proud.
PS. I am sorry that this comment turned into a bit of an essay but I hope it will give you some reassurance.
PPS. I love your blog, it is truly lovely.
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I’ve gotta agree with the above comments, but from someone going through a similar situation, i know what you’re talking about, too. some definite guilt. the squeaky wheel does get the grease.
i esp. admire the last goal (one of mine as well) and can’t wait to see what you sew.
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#5 – My husband knows what you mean….
Because his job keeps him out of the house from 7am – 8pm, he sees our son only a half hour a day during the week and his travel to Asia takes him out of town over the weekends sometimes.
I often catch him standing over my son’s cot just watching him sleep!
I think kids learn the meaning of “quality” time rather than “quantity” of time better than we give them credit.
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I have resolved to be tidier every single year of my existence and it has yet to happen. Just notch it up to a creative temperament!
I’m coming to the conclusion that a little more computer time discipline might be in order round here too. More of a quality over quantity type resolution. We’ll see.
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Good luck with the plans! Lucy
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Hiya Julie,
good luck with the resolutions they sound great ones. and for the last one, we out here as your fellow bloggers, i’m sure will all understand if you reply less frequently to comments, or post less often. i have enough trouble sometimes keeping up with my handful of comments/emails and you must have millions by comparison, you shouldnt be so popular now should you J!it is all about a balance isnt it, especially for you with toby and amy to think of. my love Kat x
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I understand Julie, what you tell us about nr 5 and I know how hard it is! But I am very sure Amy will feel the love you have for her, but it just doesn’t feel right for you, and for me in my situation, as a parent. And about being tidier… knitting is more fun!
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Excellent list and very well said. I wish you luck with all of these items in the coming year.
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Oh your cookies look good. I used to bake bread (well use the breadmaker) often, but the novelty soon wore off! Good luck!
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only 58 – you are doing really well Julie – and number 5 gets my vote too – if it means we get a little bit less of you (but only a little) then spend the time with Amy – Martha is 22 now and it seems like only yesterday she was 9 and I was ‘too busy’ regrets…
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I think you’ll find Amy grows into a very well-balanced and sensitive young lady. We had bouts of jealousy from my son when he was growing up because my daughter has Downs and seemed to ‘get everything’. Deep down he understood why and we had time together when she was at her Family Link family once a month. He’s now a sensible, caring adult full of empathy, despite my ‘neglect’! I read in a book about Downs you should never beat yourself up over the past because you were doing your best at that time.
Tidier – pah! I’ve given up on that and settle for clean, and blame it on my artistic temperament…
My only regret about blogging is that I can’t go and have a cup of coffee and a natter with some of the lovely like-minded people I have ‘met’.
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I usually don’t make resolutions in the new year because I’m terrible about keeping them 😉 Your’s are good ones! Don’t ever worry about answering all of your emails and so on, who needs that extra added stress in this already stressed out world? There are only so many precious few hours in a day, and our loved ones mean more than hours spent online right? That link to Ali’s blog was a good one! I myself have been blogging a lot less for awhile now, and feeling a little bad for it. Now I’m not feeling so bad anymore at all–Thanks :)!
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Good for you, Julie. Time flies when you’re on these pesky computers and blog-hopping really is addictive!
And wow! Those cookies look scrummy ….. got any left??
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Thank you for sharing your list.
Good for you, we all have to accept that we have lives away from our blogs however fun we find them, so good for you for taking timeout to spend more time with your family, we certainly don’t mind that at all!
Love Alison x
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I think that blogging is the modern version of ‘pen pals’ that I had to keep me sane 27 years ago, but you have a much wider audience of pals. It kept me sane knowing of like minded Mums who struggled with guilt and duty and their own needs. Amy WILL be fine! As said above, she will grow into a sensitive and understanding soul, as did my own daughter with Aspergers brother. The things we bear help shape us into who we are. As Forest Gump said, “Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you will get!” AND Little Cotton Rabbits is such a love filled haven in cyberspace! Just bring your own fresh cup of brewed coffee to visit!
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A couple of years ago I would have spent an hour or two (maybe even three) every day on the computer, reading emails, writing emails, reading blogs and writing posts. Now I read my mail daily, I respond to one’s that need an answer and smile at the rest. I blog twice a week and that’s it, unless I have something I really want to say. You can still keep in touch with everyone, just once or twice a week is much easier to cope with.
I’m sure that making Amy and Mum time will be very rewarding. When Bailey was very young and all consuming I would treasure time alone with Nicholas when I could really listen to him and talk to him about what was going on in his life. It became very important to make time for just the two of us. Even now I take Nick to baseball, that’s “our” thing.
I hope you have a wonderful year Julie.xoxox
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Hi Julie
Have you thought about using respite so you can have more time for Amy
My severely autistic daughter is 18 and now in a group home but when she was at home, i was glad to get a weekend of respite care so we could spent more time with a normal daughter who is now 13. I was initially not keen on th idea but when she was about 6 started putting her into the children’s respite home near us. Lucette was and is like Toby very hard work and as my mum says like dealing with a constant toddler. My mum minded her for me when she was little so I could work part time so my mother ha a good idea of what she is like.i. My 7 year old son is mildly autistic and he presents other problems so th fun never stops. He like Toby likes the trampoline so that was a good Christmas present for him and is oh so slowly learnig to read. So you will find many fellow travelers out there on the internet.
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