Recently I’ve been spending far too much of my time in a darkened room. No, it’s not due to a migraine or a hangover or even an overdose of knitting! It’s all due to Toby’s love of a game.
It came about by accident really. Toby has
bounced on our bed since he was old enough to stand (it’s a wonder that
the springs haven’t completely gone) and one night back in winter he decided to do it in the dark. He (like many autistic children) is stimulated by watching fast movement and he loves spinning light wands so we’ve always kept a variety of these in our bedroom along with 3 disco balls and various torches (just incase we wanted a disco in the middle of the night – you know!). Anyway, while he was bouncing in the dark I shone a torch from behind him and projected his shadow onto a flat wall of white painted cupboards and he loved it!
Toby has never really shown much interest in his reflection. I think he
might just beginning to realise that it’s him in the mirror. Amy on
the other hand was posing in front of the mirror from the time she
started walking and still can’t walk past one without pausing to check
how she looks (I know – it’ll only get worse!). It does seem though that Toby has made friends with his shadow. Maybe it’s something to do with it being a flat shape or that it doesn’t look back at him – I’m not really sure but it’s magical to see him interracting with it.
He has twigged that when he moves his arm his shadow does too and he’s
now actually playing with his shadow, wiggling his fingers, running up to it and
then away again to see it get smaller and bigger and seemingly
understanding that it is him. When I turn off the torch he claps to indicate he wants the torch on again, a clear communication for more (and all intentional communication from Toby is a bonus). Toby has definitely discovered his shadow and that it is ‘connected’ to him. This awareness is a new thing and brings him more into our world.
We’ve played this all winter – which is fine when it’s dark and cold outside but now the evenings are longer and sunnier it’s wearing a little thin (for me at least). So spare a thought for me on the upcoming balmy summer evenings, for while you sit in the early evening sun sipping your chilled glass of wine, I shall be sat in the dark, torch in hand, making my little chap a happy one!
little cotton rabbits 
Reading this makes me think of all the times I’ve said “in a minute” to my children and all the times when really what I was already doing was less important. How wonderful that Toby has found himself and a game that really makes him interact with you. I’m sure it must be horrid sitting in the dark when the sun is shining but I’m guessing Toby’s enjoyment makes it all worthwhile. Congratualtions on being so enormously patient.
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Maybe you could have a glass of wine in the other hand?
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You are a loving and patient mother!
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‘Balmy summer evenings’? Are you having a bit of a laugh with us all? It’s freezing here – again!
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I’m with Lucy. I admire,really admire, you patience. And maybe a little inspired to be the same…
Regarding balmy summer evenings… I doubt that.
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What a connection! That focus is so important. Rather than thinking of us having a glass of wine, think about us with wellies and umbrellas, freezing cold whilst you are experiencing wonderment and growth (again, and again ….)
Take care. Big hugs for the princess.
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good for you! i’m glad toby’s having fun with his shadow – you’re a good mom for putting your son’s needs first!
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You’re a loving mama with a big heart!
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Hi Julie – oh I remember those days. My little one never tired of repetitive behaviour like Toby’s. Now he’s 18 but still likes the security of doing familiar things over and over. Have you thought of getting a couple of those little clip on spotlights – you could project his shadow in two or more different directions (and leave your hands free for that glass or wine, or even your knitting!). Well done on the massive feedback – 376! (and they’re just the ones who commented – I’d love to know how many are still lurking out there!).
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Every time I visit here, I am humbled. Love this post in so many ways.
And if it helps, you could pretend you’ve migrated south for the summer, because it is dark and cold and rainy down here!
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Hurray for Toby’s new friend. 🙂 Your love and patience are truly humbling.
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Hello Julie!
Sounds like wonderful good fun!
Kind regards!
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You’re a good mama!
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How wonderful he’s found that friend! Those are neat pictures with the “multiple” Toby’s in them 🙂
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Oh what joy for you to see such recognition. Bailey plays with his shadow while jumping on the trampoline, watching himself via his shadow bounce and kick and wiggle. I’m sure this is a great sign that Toby is beginning to venture out of his world to peek into ours ….
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I found your site while researching autism and admit to lurking! I love the insights into your life and your son. Those barmy evenings probably have nothing on the warmth and love when you play this game with Toby.
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How lovely that he has found himself this way, if the ‘lovely’ summer weather continues we’ll all be tucked up too!
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That must be wonderful; and how lovely for Toby and Amy to have such a patient mummy!
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That must be wonderful; and how lovely for Toby and Amy to have such a patient mummy!
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What a lovely post – so nice to hear about Toby’s fun with his shadow.
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Maybe you could try to get him to look at the shadows outside, made from the sun on the sidewalk? Or against the side of the house???
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Both my sons of 12 and 14 years old have Asperger. When my youngest son had a hard time at school, after school he put on his pyjamas and I sat rocking with him in his room. He loved the repetative movement. Now he is older the movements have gone, but when he has had a busy day, he comes home and instantly puts on his pyjamas and sits alone in his room listening to his favorite music.
I think it is so good that your son finds out what he likes. Maybe the things that he likes are other things than most of us want to do, but does it mind ? The most important thing is that he is happy. ( and that you are a happy mother)
Annelies
The Netherlands
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What a truly wonderful post. I loved reading this, and seeing the pictures of Toby and his shadow. You’re a wonderful mom. 🙂
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You’re such a lovely, giving Mum and I’m sure the weather is sypmathising with you and being all cold and rainy so you won’t miss out on the sun. Next time it rains (in a few minutes!) I won’t moan about it – I’ll think of you making your son really happy.
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Despite the repetition, I’m sure you love every minute of Toby’s excitement and interaction with his shadow. As you said, it brings him more into our world and therefore connects more with those around him.
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