The past few months have been some of the most tumultuous so far in our journey with Toby. We’d spent a long time researching and making plans for his life after college, and things looked for a while like they would work out as planned and begin to be a basis to build upon, encouraging him to be more independent of us, with an eye to the future as we age. So many times H and I have turned to each other with a hesitant smile and said ‘hope is kindled’, only to have those hopes dashed, sometimes within days.

Challenging times however do bring their own gift, and that is to remind us of what really matters in our lives. Facing difficulties brings into sharp focus what isn’t really important and what is worth clinging on to. For my part I have been reminded that:

• Toby’s happiness is everything, when he is happy we can be too,
• walking in our beloved and familiar woods is more peaceful and relaxing to me that the most expensive, luxurious holiday abroad, they feel like home to me and to Toby too,
• The word ‘problem’ really just describes the space between our expectation of a thing and the reality of it. If we accept the reality and let our expectations evaporate we have a chance at being happy with the outcome.

Toby has been happy and settled recently. He’s been enjoying the two outdoor activity days at the small holding and the community allotment project and on the five days that we have him here at home he has enjoyed choosing what time to get up (usually after 11am as he does like a nice long lie in) and he’s had a great time on our walks out in the countryside.

The main downside to our new normal here is the lack of work time available to me. But I’m beginning to adapt and have started to pattern write again, (albeit very slowly and sporadically) and I do have lots of ideas for future patterns.

By the way, I want to take this opportunity to say thank you, I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful to all of you who buy my patterns, because in doing so you enable me to support my family and to be here at home taking care of Toby whilst still earning enough for us to live off. I’m also hugely grateful to the people who spread the word about my patterns with their friends, family and knitting groups and to those who mention me on social media too. I was delighted and flattered to be included in Elise’s round up of Fall knitting and crochet projects. If you don’t already follow Elise Rose Crochet on you tube then you are really missing out, she makes such wonderfully entertaining videos and her enthusiasm for all yarn crafts is both inspiring and infectious, her you tube channel is here.

Well, I’m off to squeeze in a little pattern writing before it’s time to make dinner. Thank you as always for visiting me here and for the words of kindness and support that you send my way, they make life a little brighter and I’m very grateful, J x

……………………………………………………………………

Harvest time photos taken at Tewin Orchard and surrounding fields, September 2024

Late summer socks, in colours that remind me of the orchard, knitted in the ‘Cliff walk at Pourville’ minis, one of the Monet mini skein sets from The Knitting Shed.

Sunset from my bedroom window 🙂

Hello hello, long time no see.

I’ve been holding off writing until things felt settled with Toby’s new routines in the hope that I could be all positive and upbeat. And for a few weeks at the end of July it did indeed feel like we were heading into calm waters, but just recently things have got a little more choppy again.

We did have 3 day care sessions of roughly 6 hours each in place for Toby to attend at 3 different lovely settings, and he did seem to be gradually adapting to them, but last week he hurt a member of staff at one of them and so obviously they can no longer have him, so we’re down to 2 sessions per week, one on a Monday and one on Wednesday. He’s so big and strong and coupled with being easily upset and unpredictable this makes it very hard for others to care for him whilst keeping everyone safe, and there is simply a dire lack of suitable provision for those like Toby with more severe learning disabilities and challenging behavioural issues.

This does mean that we’re having to rethink everything in a way that works for us all, and it’s taking some getting used to. My brain keeps saying ‘don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to get things done in September’  and then I have this weird, almost dizzying sensation when the other side of my brain reminds me that there is no more school or college, there will be no extra time, this is how things are now. It is most disconcerting.

It also means I’m having to plan out how I can keep running little cotton rabbits as a business, as working on patterns, answering emails and blogging will all have to be fitted in to less time than I had originally planned for. I’m currently making lots of lists and ranking my weekly parcels of time into high and low value blocks so that I can work out what I can get done and when.

All is not despair though. As always Toby is very happy to have his long lie-ins and daily walks with either of us, and he’s been very calm and happy on his full days here at home, so that remains a thankfully big positive in all of our lives.

These are some pictures from some of our walks together, despite many years of trying Toby still does not like me stopping to take photos on our walks, so I have to squeeze them in whilst he’s naturally distracted. The countryside around us is still very green, though signs of a seasonal change are starting to creep in, with more seed heads than flowers out in the meadows and the first fungi springing up in the undergrowth. We’ve had the usual August mix of sunshine and heavy downpours, so some glorious skies and a few double rainbows have been beautiful overhead sights.

Knitting here has been restricted to one scarf and a few pairs of socks, mostly because my brain has needed very simple projects during this transition time. I’m hoping to start pattern writing again this coming week and will keep you posted of any progress.

Lastly Bluebell, our one remaining hen, succumbed to old age at the end of last month, she was nine and three-quarters, a most respectable age for a chicken, we brought her and two others to live with us in March 2015 when they were point of lay, so a few months old. We’ll not have more I think, there’s a feeling of wanting to pare down and simplify life as much as possible here, but I will miss having animals to tend to, especially as the foxes seem to have currently disappeared from the garden, as they so often do at this time of year.

Well, I will be back here on the blog, not sure when yet, but hopefully at least once a month or so, so until then I hope all is well in your own little corner of the world, thanks as always for stopping by to visit with me, J x

 

Comments

 

June brings early summer here in the south of England. Not that you’d know it from the recent weather though; chilly winds, frequent rain showers and a distinct lack of sunshine have meant it’s been feeling much more like March and I’ve not yet put away the winter woollies. I’m not really complaining though, cooler temperatures are more conducive to knitting and to long country walks, and thanks to the unseasonable weather the countryside is still clothed in the bright, verdant green of spring. The early spring flowers have though given way to the summer ones; meadows of delicate grasses sprinkled with ox-eye daisies, verges of cow parsley and hedgerows of elderflowers, bramble flowers and dog roses, all so very pretty.

Back at home I’ve been slightly obsessed with knitting jeans for some reason, having switched my colour focus from greens to blues. This indigo dyed cotton yarn (Scheepjes Skies light) is perfect for knitted jeans and when it’s washed the colour leaches out a little (though it’s leaching during knitting too, as you can see from my hands) and you can give a little extra rubbing to the knees so they look a little worn in.

Since the start of the year I’ve been dreading the arrival of June. Over the last 18 years, whilst Toby has been at school and more recently at special needs college, we’ve built safe and comfortable routines that help him to manage the everyday things that everyone else does without a second thought. He’s had somewhere to go that helps to fill his time with some meaningful activities, giving him experiences he wouldn’t otherwise have had and providing us with much needed respite time in which to work, rest and recharge. Tomorrow is the very last day of ‘full time education’ for him and what comes next is as yet untested, unknown and uncertain, which is never a comfortable place to be when autism is a factor.

I began this blog in 2006, on the day before Toby started school aged four years old, and in some ways it would be fitting to finish writing here today on the day before he finishes college and we begin a new chapter in family life. It is something I’ve thought about, simply because life is about to get more complicated and free time will be more limited, but the truth is I’m not ready to go just yet. Putting together this blog encourages me to contemplate all that is positive in life, to go out and take pictures, to sit quietly and edit them and to write about my small and simple adventures and love of knitting. And when I have opened up about the struggles we sometimes face, you – my community of blog readers, have never failed to generously gift me words of kindness, compassion and wisdom, I would miss doing this and all of you terribly. So I’m staying for now, though service may be disrupted for a bit whilst we find our feet and forge new routines.

Well, I’m off to do a little quiet and calming knitting, I hope that the rest of June is kind to you, hopefully see you soon, J x