Thank you so much for all of the wonderfully caring and supportive comments and emails, it really does lift my spirits to read them.

Although there has been no change in Toby's extreme behaviour I am feeling a little more hopeful that we are moving towards some changes to help both him and us cope. Tomorrow we are having a visit from social services who are coming to assess what of the available respite options might help our situation. On thursday Toby's teacher and speech therapist are coming for a home visit to observe and suggest ideas to help him manage his increased anxiety and, thanks to the school, we have been able to step into a cancelled appointment to see the paediatrician next tuesday.

So, it feels like things are moving in the right direction and that people are understanding the extreme nature of Toby's increased distress and it's impact on Amy and us. I am daring to hope that these meetings result in some practical help for our little family as it feels like life is on hold for us at the moment.

A friend sent me a quote yesterday which resonated for me and I share it now in the hope of helping anyone else out there enduring difficult times, because we all have them don't we?

"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice that you have" (source unknown)

If things are hard in your life at the moment, I wish you strength and the blossoming of a little hope for you too.

Thanks for all of the good wishes for a better night's sleep. It's yet to arrive I'm afraid but I've no doubt that it will at some point down the line. Sadly though it's only one of the aspects that are making life with Toby hard at the moment. His anxiety, repetitive behaviours and aggression are all off the charts and at the moment life feels like tiptoeing around an unexploded bomb, constantly hoping that nothing triggers it to go off!

One of the hardest things to face as a parent is to have to say 'I'm not coping with my child'. It's uncomfortable to say the least and I suppose we're quite lucky to have got through 9 years with a severely autistic child without having to make that call. Things have shifted though and with Toby's increasing size and strength and his inability to contain his rages and anxiety we've had to ask for help. I've made some calls to various professionals which will hopefully result in some respite care and exploring medication and therapy options to help him with his anxiety. It will be a slow process as the next available paediatrician appointment isn't until April but it feels good to have started the ball rolling so to speak.

Anyway, as an antidote to all of that I'm been furiously knitting. There are bunnies, mittens, cakes and scarves all on the needles at the moment – I'm working on the basis that the more knitting you have on the go the less time there is for worry 😉

I'm really pleased with this scarf that I've just finished. The yarn is so beautifully soft and flecked with little touches of different blues and the pattern is very easy (a simple 4 row repeat) and very pretty when finished.

Pattern: Little Leaf Scarf by Sivia Harding (free pattern)

Yarn: 'Moody' handpainted Alpaca silk sport weight by Old Maiden Aunt Yarns bought from Loop

Please bear with me if you've emailed me recently and have not had a reply. I'll hopefully be in touch soon x