It's very wet and windy outside today, but I don't much mind because here in my little corner of the world all is quiet and cosy and peaceful.

 

Christmas this year was really tough going for Toby, and therefore for us too. Each year I think that it can't get worse and each year I am surprised to find that it can – you'd think I'd learn, but then I suppose I am an optimist. The change in routine means that Toby finds all school holidays incredibly stressful and coupled with the Christmas tree and decorations making the house look different we had a lot more hand-biting, meltdowns, screaming flinging fits and awful nights. He couldn't cope with some of the decorations so we had to take them down and as usual we didn't get to eat Christmas lunch all together – I spent most of it in the garden blowing bubbles for Toby while Amy & H ate.

'Special days' really accentuate the difference between how our family lives and how family life is for most and I know it's particularly hard for Amy despite the considerable effort H & I make to be upbeat and jolly. I do try to focus on all that I have to be grateful for, but deep down I wish with all my heart that Toby could experience a little of the magic of Christmas and as a consequence I felt tearful for much of Christmas day.

Anyway, I'm not going to dwell on all that could be better because, like many who deal with difficult circumstances, I'm aware of the deep well of despair and bitterness that it would be all to easy to fall into. I have seen it claim some that I know and that is not how I want to live my life. Instead I'm going to take up my knitting, enjoy my cup of tea and revel in the peace, quiet and calm that has returned here now that Toby is back at school. Thank goodness for familiar, comforting routines and the simple, quiet pleasures of knitting.

Time to recharge my batteries.