The last few weeks have been even more of a roller-coaster ride than usual here. There have been quite deep lows; Toby’s challenging behaviours have been gradually worsening for a while now and the episodes of his self-injuring and violent behaviour have been escalating. He’s been sent home from college on 3 separate occasions for injuring staff and I currently have multi-coloured grip bruises on both of my forearms to add to my growing collection. Like many other families caring for offspring with severe learning and behavioural difficulties, we live with the constant distressing threat of domestic violence from our own child. Working out what is happening with him is an almost impossible task and we’ve spent so much of our recent free time filling out ABC (antecedent, behaviour, consequence) charts and forensically unpicking details of incidents. On top of that I’ve had food poisoning, though happily short-lived and thankfully in the past now.
But it’s not been all bad, we’ve had big highs too, the biggest being Amy passing her driving test first time. We are delighted for her and the newfound independence this gives her. She’s now driving herself to work each day, which has made my early mornings so much easier and has given her such a confidence boost.
And as always nature is such a balm for a troubled heart so I’ve been out and about soaking up the peace and calm that it always brings me. Hawthorn blossom and wild roses, white nettles and cow parsley, buttercups and butterflies and so much green, more shades than have ever been named or mixed on a painter’s palette. May and early June are abundant with much appreciated beauty.
I’ve also been visiting the long horn cattle regularly, study field trips for my in progress cow pattern, but also delightfully entertaining as they are all such characters and there are 5 beautiful calves this year.
And seeing kit the fox is always a big high for me, she often seems to turn up when I’m feeling low and the privilege of her visits lifts me enormously. And yes, she did sniff my camera lens!
There’s one more week until Toby finishes college for this academic year and then he’ll be off for just over 2 months so we’re planning very calm and predictable routines which we’re hoping will help him find a calmer place within himself. I hope to be back periodically over the summer months, but as he’ll be my main focus I might not get as much chance to hang out here as I’d like.
Until next time I hope you have a good July and August and that you too find ways to temper any challenges you are facing with something that brings you joy, J x
little cotton rabbits 
My thoughts are with you Julie. Luckily my son grew through his physically violent behaviour towards me as he progressed through his teens. It is such a roller coaster as you say but added scariness as they are no longer small children but large/strong adults xx
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Thank you for your beautiful photos and I’m so pleased that you can find some peace within your wonderful countryside. I pray everything goes happily and smoothly over your summer months.
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Dear Julie,
Your lovely posts, both in words and photos, are a blessing to all fortunate enough to receive them.
I will think of you often and pray for you during these next two challenging months. I hope it offers you some comfort to know you have friends you’ve never met who care about you.
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Thank you for sharing your experience and beautiful photos.
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Julie, I am sorry to hear Toby has been lashing out and hope he is much calmer in the summer. Life must be very difficult at times. Thank goodness for nature which always makes me happy too. Your photos are excellent. I hope you manage more relaxing trips in the countryside.
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Dearest Julie…. Such challenging, stressful & hurtful times. The paradox of continuing to love & care for someone that physically & emotionally hurts you must be overwhelming. Why must he get stronger… that seems so contrary to accepting care & love. You are in my thoughts & sending you wishes for calmer, safe days across the silvery sea. Whatever you share with us of your creativity & life is an unexpected treat. Until then please take care, stay safe & seek gentler days to heal.
As always, with admiration, Lori from Vallentyne
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I’m sorry Toby is lashing out and hope he finds peace this summer in a familiar routine and hopefully grows through this phase. My heart goes out to you. I love that kit the fox finds you and visits, what a gift that is. As always great photos, they make me long to drop into your walk.
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My heart goes out to you, Julie. Full stop.
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My heart is with you. We are caring for my adult sister with Down Syndrome and now dementia. When I have a frustrating day dealing with things I remind myself of how pleasant and happy she is and that I don’t have the struggles you face. Blessings and peace to you
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Praying for you and your family. I understand your struggles. And won’t go in detail here. But just trust the only one that can help you Jesus Christ. 💜💜
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Julie, thank you for sharing your beautiful photos with us. I know how being in nature helps in stressful times. I hope that Toby will be calm this summer so that you can enjoy a peaceful time together. Sending virtual hugs your way.
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How difficult life is. My thoughts are with you and your family at this stressful time and I hope you manage to get some peace during summer
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I don’t know you personally but feel like I do because of your lovely, thoughtful posts and photos. I care for you and Toby. My prayers are added to the many being offered up for both of you. Be well. Be safe.
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Oh my dear friend I hope the summer months brings some much needed routine and peacefulness to you and to Toby and your family. I am so sorry that the last few months have been so difficult. Your photos are so beautiful and I’m happy you have such beauty around you to help smooth the choppy waters. XXX Bonnie
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As difficult as some times maybe in the coming weeks please try to make time for yourself .
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Lots and lots of love to you Julie. Thank you for sharing. It helps us all to know we are not alone in our struggles. Your photos as always bring much pleasure especially to those of us living through the Southern Hemisphere winter at present. 💕💕💕
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Bless you darling, chin up life can take its toll .
Thinking of you. Xx
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Sending you lots of love, I hope your summer is calm x
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Julie, so sorry to hear of your troubles. I work with children who find school tricky and can only imagine how hard it must be for parents when their children come home having survived another day in education . Since lockdown, I have been using your patterns to make teddies for the children in our school. Every child who starts with us is given a teddy to help them transition into class. I hope you can appreciate and take comfort from the realisation of how much your bears mean to our children as they go through difficult transitions. Thankyou for your patterns. Xx
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Sending you a huge hug Julie … I hope the summer is a calm one for you.
Keep enjoying nature and that gorgeous little fox.
V x
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Hi Julie, what a thought provoking post… you show that life is full of beauty as well as being incredibly hard. I think Kit is like a guardian angel for you… sent to lift your spirits, and nature too is healing. I am joining my prayers for you and your lovely family to those of everyone else above. I truly hope you have a peaceful summer and can work out routines for Toby which help him cope.
Congratulations to Amy. First time is such an achievement.
Looking forward to seeing your cow pattern!
Courage!
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Thank you Julie for sharing your beautiful photos as well as all your difficulties with Toby. I hope the summer break with its routines and stability will help Toby find some inner peace and calm which will make your parenting a little easier. Enjoy your countryside and the warmer summer weather. Congratulations to Amy too.
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So beautifully written, Lynette and my thoughts exactly.
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So sorry to hear about Tobys behaviour, I was in a relationship with an undiagnosed austic man who was violent towards me and when if I tell anyone on forums I get people accusing me of disrespecting neurodiversity and giving it a bad name, which makes me feel gaslit, I’m glad you let me know the struggles you have, it is a horrible condition and very difficult to cope with, I hope you have a good support network around you and that Toby finds a way to cope with his stress levels.
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Dear Julie Thankyou for your lovely photos which communicate so well the joy and beauty of summer half a world away. Those long horned cattle are well named and look a little scary to this urban soul! I look forward to seeing your pattern. I join with others in wishing you a peaceful summer. Anne
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Dear Julie, after looking at your beautiful photographs I was ready to highly praise all the perfect shots and wonderful scenes but then I read your words and that seems so insignificant. I am sorry you are having struggles with Toby, it must be so so difficult. I am also happy you find solace and peace in the beautiful countryside and creatures you encounter. I do hope the summer months will be calm and not too stressful for you all and you manage more us than downs. xxx
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Have been thinking of you a lot since you posted this and hoping the plans for quiet, calm and regular help Toby and thus the rest of you. I hope you can also get some help when you need it.
Kit is an absolute delight to look at. I often wonder whether even apparently wild animals know far more than we give them credit for and perhaps she is there when you need it. I hope so.
I can’t post a picture here but please imagine one of the children in the local hospital. He was given a tiny rabbit made from your pattern. He was too ill to hold it but they put it on an elastic band around his wrist as he went to the operating theatre for his anaesthetic and he kept watching it. Once surgery was over they put it back on his wrist. I have been told he won’t be parted from it.
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Thinking of you and hoping that things get better during the summer. You are in my prayers and hope that Toby can find peace. Love and hugs Alison xxx
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I am so very sorry, it must be so hard for you to see Toby struggle so much, but also to have to deal with his violence towards you and the rest of his family.
A friend is going through similar but less violent issues with her adult daughter and they have made the hard decision that it is in everyone’s best interests to look at supported living for her. They are getting older and struggling now to provide what she needs and want to be able to take as much time as is needed to find the right place and see her well settled.
Well done to Amy, that is brilliant!
Please be as gentle on yourself as possible. Holding you in the light xx
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Julie, I’m so sorry things are so hard with Toby. My heart goes out to you all. Well done to Amy on passing her driving test first time, that’s excellent news. The long horn cattle are brilliant, and what a gorgeous setting. Beautiful photos of Kit, it’s wonderful to be able to see a fox so close-up. There are several urban foxes here, but they don’t linger. It’s always a pleasure to see them though. Look after yourself my friend, and I hope the summer weeks go as well as possible well for you and for Toby. Sending hugs, CJ xxxxx
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I just read your last post and realized I didn’t receive this previous post. I am so sorry to hear that you have gone through such troubling times lately. I have had a very stressful spring with our teenage adopted daughter who dropped out of school due to emotional issues.
I can’t imagine adding violent behavior to all the difficulties we are already experiencing. My heart goes out to you. You are such a talented and kind person not to mention an extremely loving Mom. I also find solace in nature and love foxes. Kit the fox definitely has come back to comfort you. I hope you the summer months bring a good routine of calm and peaceful times. 🙏💕
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Just a thought that came to me thinking of how Toby enjoys walks in nature–have you considered the calming effect of the color green? I think I’ve read it has an effect on your brain.
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