Sometimes being a parent means that you loose your sense of self a little. You are so focused on ensuring that everyone is fed, has clean clothes, that there's milk in the fridge, toilet rolls in the cupboard and no-one has to go without breakfast because the bread has gone stale, that there's not much time for anything you might want personally. I've felt a little like that recently. It's probably magnified in our household because of Toby's constant needs and the intensity of the school holidays but I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling a little parental self-annihilation at times. Over the last few months we've had a busy time helping Amy research Unis, H has been away from home more than before as his father is very poorly and overall the balance of life has been more hectic than relaxed. I've also been listening to friends excitedly talk about family holidays and have felt a pang of envy because we don't holiday anymore (it's too stressful for Toby and so by extension for us too). It's not that I particularly wanted to go away anywhere this summer but I've realised that I do miss the excitement of doing something new, of being somewhere different and of having that sense of being on an adventure. So, earlier this week I left H in charge of after dinner parenting duties, took my backpack, camera and walking boots and drove out into the countryside.
I'm never usually out of an evening, unless it's for a school parents evening or a concert that Amy's taking part in, so just being out in the car at 7pm is a novelty for me and it did feel something like a small adventure. I drove to a local hill which has lovely views over the surrounding countryside and just walked until the sun disappeared below the horizon. I saw lots of rabbits, heaps of the big Roman snails particular to the hill, heard the alarming bark of a muntjac deer near by and saw the bats start to flit. Sadly I didn't get to see a much-longed-for barn owl but heading back towards the car I was treated to a magnificent sky overhead and bathed in a sense of well-being and calm. Although my tiny adventure was less than 2 hours long and took place only a 15 minute drive away from home it did help enormously. Sometimes you just need to be humbled under a big sky.
It has reminded me that although being a mum to an almost-adult with special needs perhaps brings more intense parenting, there can still be time for me if I can be flexible with when that can be, what form it can take and if I embrace the small and simple pleasures that exist all around us but are sometimes overlooked and undervalued. It's my plan to keep finding small and fortifying adventures on my own doorstep and I'd love to hear about what small adventures you'd choose to have – tell me in a comment below if you have time to x
little cotton rabbits 
Hi Julie, Have enjoyed your blog for years and years, hearing about your family and the things you make. I am so glad you found a flexible way to make time for yourself. It gives such a renewal to ones soul and energy. I am a caregiver also, my husband has dementia which I do need a break from every once in a while. It makes me a better person and caregiver. Some people never find this peace as they are unable to separate themselves from their responsibilities. I am glad you have found a way to renew your self. Make sure you keep giving time to yourself…
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Hi Julie,
What a lovely little escape for you! I know what you mean, we put ourselves last us mums, don’t we!
My time is the early morning, I leave the house for 45-60 minutes to walk. It always feels like a special treat! 🙂
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Oh Julie, I’ve been in a similar but different situation for years now too and I find that the best thing to do is exactly what you’ve said in this post. I am a caregiver at the other end of the scale as it’s my very elderly mum and off and on my husband with serious health issues. I take pleasure in all the small things including crafting and nature. I work each morning and this gives me a complete break away from it all too.
Keep making small amounts of time just for you as it does help.
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Hi Julie,
Thank you for taking us with you on your adventure! Reading about the way you cope is always an inspiration for me.
My small own doorstep adventure: try a new baking or cooking recipe every now and then.
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I understand you. I’ve have tried to go on vacation for so many years that I’ve given up. I have a daughter with bipolar disorder and it is hard to leave for a week or more. So many airplane tickets has gone to the garbage that I decided to go only on holiday for one or two days (just driving a few miles away). Now I enjoy immensely this short days.
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This is an absolutely beautiful post that I’ve read while sitting on my back porch on a Sunday morning. That sentence about being humbled under a big sky has settled into my mind. There is a connection between humility and peace.
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It sounds as if it’s been an exhausting time for you both. I’m glad you had a moment away. Being somewhere different at a different time of day is refreshing isn’t it. Escaping on my own into a book helps me when I only have a short time to myself. Even better if it can be out somewhere. It’s a good plan to fit in regular little adventures I think. Look after yourself Julie. CJ xx
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When I was at home with 5 kids, I used to walk to the river every nice evening after supper & sit on a big rock in the current until it was dark, then walk home through the woods. Sometimes it is very important to have some time to onesself.
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I’ve found this kind of time is essential too and walking never fails to be uplifting but it’s not so easy on a winter’s evening if that’s your best time slot. At worst I settle for closing my bedroom door with a hot drink, light snack, a book or my own choice of music or Netflix on the iPad. No-one is allowed in. At best a night away in a shepherds hut with a tiny wood burner x
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Good for you, Julie. I’m really glad you’re taking the time for yourself. I’ve recently started walking in the mornings after I’ve sent my children to school. They are in school just a few hours a week because I partially homeschool, so they are around a lot and I don’t have much time alone. I’ve decided not to worry as much about household chores as I used to, and instead use some of my alone time for exercise and fresh air, as well as coherent thought, which I find comes more easily to me when I’m alone outdoors. I’ve really enjoyed it so far. I think all mothers need to carve out a little space for themselves wherever they can, it’s good for the whole family.
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It can be hard to get those moments for yourself but they are so precious. I hope you can find time for more Julie xx
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Sounds like just what you needed. I’m glad you’re able to take time out for yourself and live in the moment. I hope things get easier for you or at least you can cope and find peace for yourself. Cathy x
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Being a Mum is difficult on the best of days, but being a Mum to a child with special needs can be that much harder. I know. It is hard for those who do not have a child like this in their life to understand. While it can be difficult it is the most rewarding thing to experience. Seeing the world through their eyes, seeing their accomplishments make it all worthwhile. But you do have to take time for yourself, even ten minutes here and there to replenish.
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Good for you, that you took some time for yourself. That is so important, for yourself but also for your whole family.
A balanced mum is a good mum.
x Manon
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Six years ago we took a ‘vacation of a lifetime’, going halfway around the world from our home in Oregon to St. Petersburg, Russia. We were away from home for 4 weeks, and enjoyed a visit to London and a cruise through the Baltic. Just the two of us enjoying retirement. And within a year, things changed, with the responsibility of two teenage granddaughters to see through school, then the failing health of our parents. Mike took charge of the house, and I went to stay with my parents 400 miles away. It was 14 months before I was able to return home and settle my Mom in assisted living close to our home. Since then, life has added an active three year old great-grandson to the household, but the girls are independent and the oldest one about to graduate from university. Thanks to the ‘other grandmas’ in Teddy’s life, we do have time to ourselves every once in a while, but still don’t manage trips away from home. So we do just what you did, take a drive, take a walk, spend time with good friends and enjoy the beauty of the area we are fortunate to live in. We love your photos–so beautiful!
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So glad you managed a break, if only for 2 hours. Lovely photos to celebrate it. We all need the odd get away and it would be great if you can manage more of them.
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Hi Julie, I really enjoy your posts, always so lovely. You take awesome photos, make me feel a part of the landscape. I am happy that you are making time for yourself – we all need that from time to time and hope you do not feel ‘guilty’ of this small pleasure. Several months ago, I began walking every morning and it really clears my head and I have found it a good way to start my day – whatever it turns out to be.
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Hi Julie, I too have been reading your posts for years and so admire your dedication to your family. You are a fantastic mum but luckily you have realised that you need ‘time’ too. You have wonderful artistic gifts with your photography and pattern designing and a love of nature which combines beautifully with both. Keep on having your mini adventures whenever you get chance, never say no to trying something new and keep in touch with good friends. Love Sue x
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Nature is a great healer and I’m so glad you found time to enjoy it. I know it’s not always easy for you to do so but perhaps you should have a date night with yourself each week and do some things you love, even during the darker evenings when going out walking isn’t maybe possible I’m sure there are other things that could take you away from real life for a little while.
Your photos are stunning and it’s good to know that not ALL the snails live in my garden! 😉
V x
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What a lovely little adventure. Last year I started running and although I did most of my start up training on a treadmill it was very exciting to finally get out into the fields to explore and discover. Such beauty just across the road from our house that I hadn’t ventured into in the 12 years living here. Amazing what is on our doorstep!
Although it’s just the two of us, I still enjoy a solo adventure and my last one was two nights in Edinburgh for the Edinburgh Yarn Festival. I travelled by train, which gave me 10 hours of uninterrupted knitting time. Bliss!
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My adventure will be driving all the way to Hertford, to have lunch with two lovely friends! I’m not a confident driver, so it’s always a sense of relief when I make it, and definitely worth the effort.
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Hi Julie
How I know what you mean about the loss of self as a parent. I am now 74 but as a single parent with 3 girls many years ago I know what this means but I could still find some time to knit and sew and then I found myself again. And now all those years later I am kept busy knitting toys for the children’s hospital here and many of the toys are from your patterns, so I want to say a big thank you to you for giving of yourself in your talents. The children on the ward are so delighted to have a toy they can talk to to and then take home with them and the rabbits are particularly loved.
Many thanks Cynthia
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The old saying “a change is as good as a rest” definitely rings true. Parenting a child/children with additional needs is hard, and we need to find a way to recharge. I love walking the dog with a podcast in my ears, or, just occasionally, I get to go out with a girlfriend for breakfast after the school run, which is a perfect start to the day.
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We are a little further down the road than you as our daughter is now 47. I have found three things are essential for my sanity, a walk by myself with the dog even for just ten minutes each day, friends who will come by for a cup of tea and never notice the mess, and my yarn. My knitting is always within reach and I have just acquired a spinning wheel. As you have discovered Mums of special needs children find their blessings in the moments of time that are given to us.
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Julie – I take my hat off to you. To think outside the box with the pressures you have must be very difficult. I am sure there must be days when you are completely drained. Well done to a courageous lady. x
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Hi Julie, I’m so glad you found time to yourself. As a mum of two (4 year old and baby) I often feel overwhelmed. My treat to myself is to read your blog posts, your beautiful photos inspire me to go for a walk in my nearby woods during the day and get my knitting out at any opportunity I get! I love your blog posts and look forward to the next one.
Emma
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Julie, having adored your blog for so long, I hope you will find some local adventures if only for the selfish reason that you will share your snaps and keen observations! I am obsessed with a ditch on my road. It is alive with mud-dauber wasps, ovipositing dragonflies, and water beetles. Sprawled along the verge, I have caused several neighbors to slow their vehicles to see if I need assistance. I am sure there are rumors of my drunkenness; I assure you the insects are intoxicating enough. May you locate your own ditch and find great pleasure in its wonders!
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Oh, your words ring so true for so many situations, maybe just for life in general. Making time, somehow, finding a way to be outdoors, or alone with beauty in a quiet museum, or whatever helps to feel at peace again. For me, it is often gardening in the early morning. Being among still-dewy flowers, weeding, tidying, listening to birdsong, noticing seasonal changes. We all need these quiet alone times, I believe. All humans used to live among the elements, as farmer folk or seafarers, and I think at our core, we all miss those roots. We were meant to observe the sky and breathe deeply and work hard until our muscles grow tired.
Thank you for sharing the snippets of your creative life. I always enjoy your words and photos. Peace be with you.
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I am reading ‘Birds Art Life Death’ – which is reminding me how important it is to find beauty in the small things on your doorstep.
I am another mother who never goes out after the evening meal, apart from attending school events, or trips to A&E! We were also unable to go away again this year, needing be around to support my mother with caring for my father (Alzheimers), and caring for a houserabbit with multiple health issues! It’s hard to hear about other people’s holidays.
I try so hard – not always successfully – to make some ‘me’ time each day, even if it’s just a walk around the garden on my own. Well done for taking that step and getting out to find yourself!
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Julie,
So happy that you took a little time for yourself. Speaking from experience that is something very hard to do without feeling guilty. But once you realize that it’s OK (that took me years) and how much better you feel about everything it’s actually quite exciting. No matter if it’s just up the road a bit, sometimes you see the most beautiful things right in your own back yard. (As witnessed by your fantastic pictures) Take care of yourself and taking care of your family will be a little easier.
Take care, Julie, and know that your blog, your pictures, and your beautiful bunnies touch so many people. xxoo
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This post could be about me! The photos could be the view from my house! My heart skipped a beat when I saw them.
My situation is similar to yours though I’m a few years down the line. I take time for myself by having a designated sewing room at the top of our house. I have several projects on the go that I can pick up and do even if only for ten or fifteen minutes. This has an instant effect on lowering my blood pressure. Regarding holidays, our solution was to buy a touring caravan. Taking a second familiar “home” with us helps to relieve some of the stress. Admittedly, there are still restrictions on where to go etc but it does mean you get some sort of a break.
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Wonderful to see you make time for you. What works for me is flying a twin line kite. You have to concentrate to keep it airborne and you forget to worry about all the other stuff. Sort of like mindfulness but without the need for being in the right frame of mind. The wind doesn’t let you off the hook!
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We have friends who are in a similar situation to you with a severely autistic son ,a little older than Toby.To keep sane they have both taken up hobbies.He has three allotments!!!She has joined a musical theatre group.This gives both of them time to “escape”.This has been a lifeline for the both of them.I think you need more of these “timeouts ” for you otherwise you will crumble.You are an amazing Mum and an inspiration to many.
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You are amazing. You ask what we do for small and fortifying adventures? One of the things I most like to do is come by and read your blog. You take such lovely pictures and your knitting inspires me in the most incredible way. I always feel like I’ve had a mini-vacation living vicariously through your photos. I hope you continue to find joy in all the little things around you – you bring so much joy to others.
Peace.
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HI,
First I must say that I love coming here and read your posts. You are an amazing woman not only because you make the most beautiful knitting work but also because you care about your family and that can be seen by the way you write.
I found this blog by pure chance two years ago and since then I come here every time to read what you write. It helps me to improve my English but more importantly it makes me dream and relax. For all these thank you and God bless you and your family.
I can relate to some of your daily life, being a mum of three very active children, so I sympathize with the need for time to myself…I too try to have some “me” time and what I do is very simple…I visit gardens and museums. I love the atmosphere, the quietness and peace felt in such places.
Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with people around the world. It makes feel closer to the rest of the world.
God bless
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Thank you Julie for your lovely words. I often find myself waking up in the wee hours, maybe because of a touch of anxiety, maybe a genuine concern or for no reason at all. I’m sure most parents understand 🙂 Now, instead of worrying and stressing about not being able to sleep and stressing even more about how I will cope the next day with little sleep, I regard those times as special time for me and me alone. I don’t try and sleep. But I don’t get up either. I just lie there and enjoy the sounds and sensations of being “alone” and let my mind wander. I’m sure a sleep expert would tell me what I’m doing is wrong. But I cope beautifully the next day!
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Hi Julie
I’m at that time where 2 of my children are in collage, away from home and that has been a challage for me… it’s like I was out of a job!!! I have just re-started to discover my self… I still feel out of focus, feeling lost… I know this too shall pass but right now it’s like I’m in between jobs, and menopause arround the corner is not helping ! I guess it’s time to have faith that everything is going to be ok… Thanks for writting!
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Aww Julie, it sounds like you had a wonderful evening out. When I read your sentence “Sometimes you just need to be humbled under a big sky” I wanted to add “by yourself”. So you have time to think and appreciate. And I prefer my little (big!) adventures to be to the UK, although they don’t happen nearly as often as I’d like them to LOL!
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I’m glad you took that time for yourself. It is so often the case that we get squeezed out of our own lives. Why is it such a common lament I wonder? Where does all this guilt come from? Loved your sunset pictures.
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I love your blog posts and look forward to the next one.
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