If you've been visiting me here for a while you'll know that Toby (like most autistic children) is not a good sleeper and that this year in particular things have been worse than ever. So, over the school half term break we made some changes to our sleeping arrangements.
Before…
after…
I've not really gone into detail before about what we've been dealing with at night, but it's become usual for Toby to have a major meltdown in the run up to bedtime and then several more during the night. They start with crying and build to screaming, jumping and flinging, hand-biting and raging around the house for an hour or so during which time he wakes everyone up and makes Amy cry. He then goes into an exhausted sleep before waking around 3 hours later for a repeat performance.
The stress of not understanding the cause of his anxiety, not being able to calm him or keep him quiet, the worry about Amy's lack of sleep and coping ourselves with just 3-5 hours of sleep have brought both H and I close to breaking point. Some nights I've even plonked Toby in the car at 3am and driven around just to get him out of the house and to try and break the mood. Driving around for half an hour or so does help calm him, but it's obviously a last resort and I don't feel particularly safe driving when I'm so tired, so we've been trying to find an alternative.
Since he was tiny I've always settled Toby into his own bed at the start of the night, although it has been an increasing battle to get him in there. Sticking with that routine has now become impossible and guaranteed to end in meltdown and as soon as Toby wakes in the night he always comes to find one of us anyway – he's either come into my bed or gone downstairs to H (who for the last 4 years or so has slept on a mattress in the living room – an arrangement that used to give one of us a restful night while the other one had Toby). So a week or so ago I ignored professional advice about continuing to get him to sleep in his own room and let him start off the night with me in my bed.
I'm glad that I've taken the flexible route instead of sticking rigidly to what others advised, because going to sleep with me in my bed does seem to have helped him. Sometimes in the night he's rolled over semi-awake and reached out a hand to check I'm still there. It seems that having either H or me close by is a source of comfort for him and is helping him deal with his night-time anxiety and I can only draw the conclusion that his distress, anxiety, meltdowns and night-time obsessions are, at least in part, due to fear of sleeping alone.
Anyway, with this in mind we've decided to get rid of the single bed in Toby's room and replace it with a double bed. We've also got H a sofa bed for downstairs, so there's now a choice of 3 proper double beds. It might continue to be a case of musical beds at night but at least it means that there are plenty of options and if Toby stays mostly calm (even if he's wide awake for half of the night) everything will feel a little more positive here and hopefully somewhere down the line we'll all get back into our own rooms and have some decent sleep!
At last I feel that we're regaining some kind of even footing after 5 months of very shaky ground. Somewhere we can rest a while, gather our reserves of energy and move on from with a purpose. I suppose in short I feel ready now for the next bit of our journey with Toby instead of just being swept along against my will!
little cotton rabbits 
Perhaps having his bed closer to the floor will help.
LikeLike
I hope so much that this helps you all.
I think you have done the right thing, we are told all the time that you should do things a certain way, but as wonderful as these people are they don’t know you, your child or your life like you do.
It has obviously made you feel happier already and hooray for that.
I know you don’t know me from adam but i think about you and your family, your blog is so loving.
good luck
jooles x
LikeLike
I’m glad you’ve got an option where everyone hopefully gets a little more sleep – lack of it is such a difficult and stressful thing to cope with.
LikeLike
Lack of sleep is like torture to cope with isn’t it? How you have done it this long and still stay sane is a credit to you Julie. Well done for finding your own route x
LikeLike
Best wishes.
LikeLike
Julie, I can’t even begin to understand how harrowing this must all be. You have my admiration for even being able to put it into words.
Although it’s of no practical support to you, please know that I’m thinking of you and hoping for news of some respite care so you can get a night’s sleep if nothing else.
Dawn
LikeLike
So glad you’re feeling better about this. Sleep is the cornerstone of everything. Sometimes the expert advice is like a millstone round the neck. Whatever works is, I think, the answer. Much love xx
LikeLike
Hi Julie
I lived with this for a long time and it drives you nuts and I suspect you will find many fellow travelers out there with a kid with autism.
However have you tried melatonin with Toby. It does seem to work with many kids on the spectrum and can help restore their sleep patterns
http://autism.healingthresholds.com/therapy/melatonin
My friend has a boy similar to your son and it has made him sleep 6 -7hours a night and helped the rest of the family get enough rest to cope with life and living with him..
Do get onto your local government and hunt them up about your respite. It will help all of you including Toby. It is pathetic but you have to do the same everywhere including where I live in Australia. Being a good advocate for yourself and Toby can help you manage with the curve balls autism hands out. Most of the people such as social workers who provide such access to respite have very little real idea about what living with someone with autism in the long term is like and need to be hunted up so you get what you need.
Karnak
LikeLike
I’m really pleased to hear you have found something that might make life a little easier for you all. You know Toby better than anyone and you have to live with the daily tantrums so to find anything that helps must be a huge relief.
Thinking of you all.
Becky x
LikeLike
I have seen on tv that having a trained dog for autistic children can help calm them down. I know pets are good for lowering blood pressure, etc. etc. Worth a try?
LikeLike
One of my boys is a poor sleeper and used to get comfort from sleeping in my bed. Now when he wakes up in the night he
s okay by himself but there were many, many nights when I simply lifted the duvet for him (or his twin) to climb in with us. If they would lie quietly with me, I could nap a little. I think youve made some great decisions for your family.I also found that a very dark room was best. Perhaps you have tried that already.
Has the melatonin helped? We can get it over the counter here, either liquid (30 min acting) or sublingual (quicker, usually) and my kids take it every night.
Does Toby like electronics? The Nintendo DS works very well to calm one of mine down when he is agitated.
My boys are ten, and at times it feels like I still have a couple of two-yr-olds in the house. I imagine you feel the same way sometimes. I watch their peers change into independent youngsters and wonder when it will be our turn.
LikeLike
Well done! Answers (or solutions) are incredibly difficult to come by when one is so sleep deprived. Good on you for following your instincts…comfort and security are everything to children.
LikeLike
Thinking of you as you struggle with the sleeping problem – lack of sleep is so debilitating in itself. I’m sure the lower bed will help – bunk beds can be very isolating. Going with your instinct sometimes is the best way.
LikeLike
Julie, I have read your blog for years but have never commented before! I don’t have any experience with autism but have done a lot of research into diet and nutrition to try and help myself (I have CFS). People probably suggest things to you all the time, so please ignore if you think it inappropriate, but I have read that a ketogenic diet (or at least a low-carb, high-fat diet) may reduce symptoms. I know it sounds odd and completely against what we are told is a ‘healthy diet’ but I have found diet makes a big difference to my symptoms so perhaps it would help Toby? Just a thought, might be worth a shot… By the way, your knitted animals are gorgeous – I wish I was so talented 🙂
LikeLike
I think you have done the right thing for you as a family – trying to fit into what a professional says is the ‘norm’ is not always the best solution. What is the point of Toby sleeping on his own if it causes him such distress and the rest of you sleepless nights? Maybe a period of calm will eventually lead to him feeling more comfortable about sleeping on his own and in the meantime the rest of you get the valuable sleep you need to carry on.
An earlier commenter mentioned a dog – have you considered that? Have you tried riding? I used to volunteer as a side-walker for RDA and was amazed at how beneficial it was for children & young adults with autism. Animals accept you for who you are which is very liberating and calming for children with special needs. (Your chickens might not agree with me about the dog though!!)
LikeLike
I’m glad that you are following your own instincts…because it is your life and only you know what will work. THe experience sounds difficult but you are an amazing mother and your little boy is very lucky to be a part of such a family. Hugs
LikeLike
You poor souls!I’ve just sewn together the bunny egg cosy I made yesterday & thought how clever you are to be able to design patterns. Yet here you are in such a dilemma over your son. I suppose it’s naieve of me to wonder if a repetative bedtime story would help – like the ‘Goodnight Moon’ book for example.No doubt Toby’s rage is literally, and metaphorically, too inconsolable for words. Our thoughts are with you.
LikeLike
Good for you for trying find a solution that works for your family. Sleep deprivation is just the most horrible torture for all concerned. I can’t imagine how exhausted both yourself and Toby must be, so anything your can do to help alleviate the problem has to be a positive thing. Here’s hoping your solution helps.
LikeLike
PS
Let’s send a BIG collective blog hug to Amy!
LikeLike
How old is your son, just wondering as my son went through a stage of night terrors as he grew and although he isn’t autistic it would make him really upset and scream but as he was still asleep we couldn’t get through to him 😦
LikeLike
Well done you for trying something that the experts didn’t necessarily recommend – you’ve already tried everything else they’ve suggested and as someone else said, they don’t know Toby as well as you do anyway – plus of course, they don’t have to deal with the night time stuff. I really, really hope this is a turning point for you. Lack of sleep makes normal daily functioning close to impossible.
Keeping everything crossed!
LikeLike
Sometimes throwing away the text book is the best way. I often have my group at St Mary’s in fits of laughter at my admission of all the, ahem, highly unmedical solutions I used to find that worked for Tom! Go for it!
LikeLike
I just cant imagine. I am so glad you are trying new things and looking for your own answers. I agree on the group hug. {hug}
LikeLike
I too was going to say how much it reminded me of my non-autistic child’s issues with night terrors. I wonder if that is the cause?
I hope this solution works well- and that you do find the cause or at least the cure 🙂
LikeLike
Best wishes to you and your family that the new arrangement brings you some rest.
LikeLike
No advice from me, just a thank you – we had three beautiful egg cosies made from your bunny pattern purchased a while ago! They were knitted for us as an Easter present.
Do hope you get more sleep now.
LikeLike
Well, I hope this new strategy works and improves things over time. I know I feel great relief for all of you. You are so clever to have thought of this relatively simple answer to the problem. You don’t need to reply to this comment. Just wanted you to know there are others who care about you and wish you well.
LikeLike
Sometimes the experts do not know best and you have to trust your instincts Julie. If you have found a solution that makes for a happier and less anxious Toby then it has to be right – especially when it results in more sleep for you all.
LikeLike
Julie, you gave it all you could and more than enough time with professional advice. It was time to make adjustments to what might work for your family. Sleep deprivation is a destroyer of all things good. Anyone can deal with so much more if they have had a good night’s sleep. All that you endured to go with the “proven” method only brought destruction to your family’s peace. You and your family continue to be in my prayers. May you each find a peace with the new plan and with a more restful night. You are admired and respected and appreciated.
LikeLike
Keeping fingers crossed it all works for you. Being deprived of sleep is terrible for what ever reason. Good luck Jane
LikeLike
I think you’ve done the right thing. I know, as a child, I couldn’t sleep alone and slept in my mums bed until early teenage. At the end of the day we’re all individuals, autistic or not, and what distresses one doesn’t affect another. Wishing you and Toby a good nights sleep. Pip
LikeLike
THe thing I loved most about our pediatrician was his way of looking the child over, then looking at me and asking, “What does Mama think is going on?” He believed so deeply in a mother’s instincts – and his son does, after him. It was refreshing to be asked instead of told. And I have found the conventional wisdom very wrong from time to time in my life. Like Sarah, I have chosen not to listen to the generally accepted formula for “good” eating – against ALL the voices in government and media. And we’re doing so much better for it. My real and most important effort is to ask God and listen hard – all I can do after that is do what feels right.
LikeLike
I think you and H are marvellous! x
LikeLike
Hi there! Just found your site and, coincidentally, just learned to knit…last night!
My son is a bad sleeper too, and often shows up in our bedroom. I find it better for everyone to just let him climb in. If we send him back to his room, he won’t sleep, but will with us.
Maybe someday we will all get a full night’s sleep again…dare to dream.
LikeLike
Julie, you are my hero. Best of luck with the new sleeping arrangements!
LikeLike
You need to do whatever works for you!
LikeLike
The modern human practice of separating ourselves from our offspring at night never made any sense to me. Most other animals do just the opposite, snuggle together for the night. None of my children have autism but we all benefited immensely from sleeping close to each other. Im glad you are trusting your instincts and I wish you all the best and hope you all find some rest and comfort.
LikeLike
Good luck with your new plan Julie, It sounds like a good one to me, regardless of the proffessionals opinion, without sleep we can’t cope and like you mentioned you have Amy to think about also. xx
LikeLike
All the best with your new arrangements.
Take each day as it comes. Hope you had a good Thursday and a better Friday.
Deb
LikeLike
Hi Julie – I have a son with ADHD and Aspergers. Sometimes you just have to do what works!! I learned very early on that no matter how many “specialists” you see, at the end of the day, you are his parent 24/7 and have to go with what works best on any given day. Every time I read your blogs about Toby, I think how very very lucky he is that you are his Mum – there are so many people that just couldn’t do what you do. You are amazing!
LikeLike
Sometimes a mother just needs to listen to her heart rather than a “specialist”. I’m sure thier intentions are good and their training is superb…but sometimes we just need to follow our heart.
LikeLike
Toby is a cute boy and got lucky to have you, and you’re a great mother.
LikeLike
Aww…I just love your sweet Toby! You are probably doing the right thing, cause Momma knows best and if you don’t succeed try something else…right? Big hugs to you all….hopefully some sleep happens too….you are all patient and loving which is the greatest way to be, I think!
Hugs
Margaret B
xx
LikeLike
Do what works! My daughter is 9 yrs old and still wont sleep in her own bed unless she falls asleep and then we put her to bed. She hates being by herself at night-time so we are hoping she grows out of it. I do hope that your solution works for you, no-one is coping if you are all extremely tired.
LikeLike
Good on you Julie, go with the gut feelings. Getting a bit of sleep is imperative for being able to deal with life’s ups and downs so get it however you can xx
LikeLike
hi there, I sincerely hope this new arrangement works for you. Hey, what do those people know? They don’t live with Toby, you do! You know him best 🙂 Cheers to you for all that you do *high five!!***
LikeLike
I am not offering advice, just a possible explanation for Toby’s behaviour which may help you find other solutions.
Toby’s autism only sees other humans as tools for his world.
You are critical for the things he needs to do, get, go.
Waking and finding you beside him means he can make sense of his world whereas possibly the bed routine simply meant he ‘lost’ his ‘tool’.
Rather like us being told that when we go to bed we have to give up our eyes, or ears or limbs.
I hope this makes a little sense to you, Julie.
Does Toby allow H to do the things you do?
Just a thought.
I wonder if a life-size doll/stuffed toy would compensate enough in his own bed?
Blessed sleep, Julie
LikeLike
Whatever you can do to keep sane seems like a great idea to me.
LikeLike
The professionals are not there in the night trying to cope. Do whatever is necessary to find peace for all of you. Much love.
LikeLike
Hi Julie, I applaud you and your family for trying anything. I grew up with a disability and can say, at times my parents took advice, but sometimes, they listened and did something different. It it worked, great, it not, then try something else. My sister got me addicted to your site because of the knitting, but now I feel connected to your family and what you live with. Please know you all are in my thoughts and if just thoughts alone could help, you’d have lots of answers. I know your trials have helped others. My friend with a son with Autism said long ago when her husband left, “But, he (her son) makes me smile every day!” As long as you can still say that, you’ll make it.
LikeLike
I really hope this is the answer to your night time problems and that you all get the rest you need and deserve!
You’re amazing Julie!! xxx
Vivienne x
LikeLike
You’re an amazing mum. Kudos also to you for being flexible and doing what works best for you all!
LikeLike
It’s funny all this getting the children to sleep alone thing. I’m Indian but was raised here (and my husband is English). My Mum says we always slept with her and then we three sisters shared a bed until I was a teenager. Because I grew up here I kind of did things the English way at first and then remembered how I was raised (thankfully) and relaxed about who slept with whom. My babies all slept with me and graduated to their own rooms but whenever anyone is ill they always sleep with me and when hubby’s away too.
ANyway, I’m trying to say well done for going with your instincts. Why shouldn’t Toby sleep with one of you? Lucky boy to have you as his Mum.
LikeLike
Hi,
We do the same, it will work and hopefully help you at least get a better night sleep.
Hugs to you and your family.
LikeLike
Julie, you are amazing you bring tears to my eyes, i will never complain again to getting up to my six month old. I hope this new plan brings a little more eye lid watching, if the doctors have anything to say about it invite them for a sleep over. Thinking of you
LikeLike
Hi, I read ‘life behind glass’ by I think Wendy Lawson and she talks about how it feels to have autism. One thing is she used to like sleeping sandwiched between two mattresses. she liked the solid security, some autism sufferers run their knuckles along walls to keep touch with something that makes them secure. Well done for trusting your instincts. I really think you are right. my thoughts are with you. you have a rare grace in this world.
regards viv.
LikeLike
Having a gentle dog to sleep with really helped my son- best of luck.
LikeLike
Hi Julie,
I learnt the hard way that sometimes “parent instinct” can be the best advice. I hope everything will work out so you all get some well needed rest.
LikeLike
All three of my children have double beds from the time that they came out of a cot (we are fortunate to have good-sized bedrooms to accommodate them). I have found it extremely useful for when they have been poorly and I have been able to sleep next to them and keep a close eye without having to drag myself out of bed. Also they have sometimes wanted to spend the night in each other’s bedrooms so just bring their pillow. Lastly when one of them wakes with a bad dream or wobble, I just sleepwalk to their room and get in next to them without saying a word and they instantly go back to sleep so no-one’s sleep is truely disturbed. I’m sure these are all totally frowned upon habits but heh! they work for us and no-one has become dependent upon it and everyone is getting enough sleep and actually I love being next to my sleeping children – especially my middle daughter who nestles in close to the small of my back and doesn’t budge all night. Once they are teenagers they won’t want me near them! So I say if it works for you and Toby go with it and good on you for still having the energy and love to constantly seek out a compromise, a change of attack, a new strategy, an inspired plan. Hope you get lots of sleep as a result.
LikeLike
and I forgot to add also that I often end up in one of the children’s beds when my husband’s snoring reaches “angry bison” levels…..
LikeLike
Wishing everyone blissful sleep for at least some of the night. Jx
LikeLike
Julie, you write the most wonderful blog, create the most beautiful art and are growing fabulous children. All with sleep deprivation!! I have a non sleeping son and it took me five years to figure out that the Western “norm” of each to their own bed didn’t work for us. In most societies in the world, parents sleep with their children. After the devastating earthquake here in Christchurch, 99% of parents slept with their anxious kids and it continues! Kia kaha ( be strong), Julie.
LikeLike
Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. Always go with what you think is right for you.
LikeLike
Oh my heart Julie! God bless you dear mommy. And bless little Toby’s heart.
Maybe we should live closer to each other. That way when we’re out in the middle of the night in our cars with our screaming boys we can at least knit together or something!!!! 😀
I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve hauled Levi outside to the truck so that others could sleep here in the house. I’m sure the neighbors think I’m murdering him with all of the screaming for hours.
I am so glad you are going with your mommy instinct. You really do know what is best. God sent Toby to you and your family because He knew you’d take the best care.
As always, you are in my thoughts, heart, and prayers.
Give that cute Toby a hug for me. XXOO
LikeLike
I hope you all get more sleep soon Julie – I am useless when I don’t sleep well so really feel for you. Love and blessings as always.
LikeLike
i don’t envy the lack of sleep julie…that can be really tough.
hope the new sleeping arrangements make life a bit easier for you.
p.s. love the little dress with seedlings on from earlier post…i really must get on your mailing list for little cotton rabbit updates…my 7 year old daughter would love one!
gill
LikeLike
I am so glad you are finding ways that are making things easier for you all. When J was younger I listened to the advice i was given, that J should sleep in his own room in his own bed, that lasted for about a week and no one in the house got any sleep. He slept in my bed for years and it was the best thing for all of us! xxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
YOU ARE A VERY GOOD MUMxx
LikeLike
Julie, I feel very privileged to read of your journey with Toby. I am someone who does work in the health field and always feel privileged in my job to work with the families I do, but, also to read of your personal side and coping in daily life I am in awe of you as a mother and just want to say I send supportive thoughts to you and so admire you. Thank you for sharing your very personal journey
LikeLike
Sometimes us Mum’s need to ignore what the infamous “they” tell us and just go with our guts. Mummy guts have an amazing habit of being right!
If the change in arrangements eases the stress on your family for a while then it can only be a good thing. Maybe restoring some semblence of calm for a couple of months will mean a much more solid foundation to take small steps to get to where you want to go (ultimately Toby feeling comfortable and secure enough to go to sleep in his own bed alone). It’s almost impossible to accomplish something like that from a foundation of tension like the one you had (that just leads to a vicious cycle of stress and upset for all involved).
Keep strong Julie, you’ll get there in the end. Just remember to always trust your Mummy gut….it won’t steer you wrong!
I hope you can finally manage to get some sleep (that alone makes problems diminish in size!).
xMx
LikeLike
Good on you! You’re an awesome mum to do what suits you all best. I can highly recommend a dachshund as a pet to take your place when you eventually move on. Our naughty little dachshunds Alby and Frank sleep on our feet under the duvet. We’ve never let our pets sleep in our rooms – never mind our beds – but they LOVE to be under the covers. I find their chubby, warm bodies an excellent substitute for a hot water bottle and a comfort. Strange as it sounds. I read your post and thought – Alby and Frank might make a good transition if it’s security that Toby needs a warm, living creature may be just the ticket.
Jude xx
LikeLike
Please remember Dear Julie that in order to take care of H and A and especially T you must take care of J. Please do not let ANYthing or ANYbody make you feel guilty for doing that, Each moment you give to your self you will be able to give an hour to someone else. So many of us admire you and are made better just by reading your posts.
LikeLike
Julie, you are an amazing mother and it is so clear from the loving way that you talk about both your children. I work with children with Autism and although the ‘experts’ have some answers they certainly don’t have all of them and sometimes families just have to work out what works for them. Keep up the great job parenting your two unique children!
LikeLike
I read this week about how a mother’s instincts can be very strong. It’s hard to go against expert advice as we are brought up to believe that they know best but the old adage about mother knowing best is true in so many ways. I do hope that this will mark the start of some calm returning to your family’s lives.
Thinking of you.
Pen x
LikeLike
Sometimes, Julie, you (the Mom) must follow your own heart and instincts. It sounds like that’s what you’ve done and it has brought some peace. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers…
LikeLike
I feel it’s all about survival. It’s doing what you need to do to get your family through a difficult period. Never mind what the “experts” say, if you have given their advice a good go and it’s not working, then you are doing the right thing to change tack. If nothing else it makes you feel less helpless to be doing things in your own way. I say this as a fellow Mum with a child who has difficulties with normal life (a genetic condition) which has meant, at times, that the usual expert advice simply did not work. We had to find our own way as you are doing. We had to survive. You just do what you have to.
I think you are amazing, I have struggled in the past and I have nothing like this to deal with. I hope you have some help from people so that you and H can spend some time as a couple and not parents.
It’s so difficult when there is no end in sight. Now I always say I’m not one for dishing out advice but actually that’s not true, I fling it about willy nilly but I never expect people to listen. Here’s a link to something I read when my son was being tested for autism and I thought it was worth keeping in the back of my mind.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1160826/Can-diet-really-improve-symptoms-autism-Read-familys-story-decide.html
I suspect you have tried EVERYTHING, I suspect this could be a load of old bollocks but on the off chance it had passed you by, I thought it was worth giving you the link.
xxx
LikeLike
I would be worried about the heater so close from the head at night. I tried it and it causes me bad headhaches…
LikeLike
Hello! I just stumbled across this post and thought I would share a little advice. I’m 21 years old and have very mild autism (only recently diagnosed) – what your son seems to be having are “night terrors” which I used to have as a child too. I can explain a little what it feels like…
Before bed I would be scared to sleep and be separated from my mum, I would have what I can only describe as a panic attack (but I would have it silently without anyone knowing, a terrible feeling of fear and dread) as bedtime approached. Then in the night I would wake up screaming and crying. My mum says that I was never really awake and sometimes I was asleep but still screaming and crying and they were unable to wake me. I can remember having terribly vivid “nightmares”, but they are in fact called “night terrors”, you can do a little research in to them and see if you think this is what your boy is having too. The “dreams” were often about silly things which seemed terrifying, for example I remember one of my night terrors was just about a giant cake about the size of a caravan, but it was the most terrifying thing. Night terrors are so scary for a child and I even get a bit scared going to bed at the age I am now!
Something which might help for your son to get over his fear of sleep (which my parents did for me and I remember that they calmed me down a lot…)
1. Reading before bed, in bed, or listening to a story tape in bed. This way I was distracted and fell to sleep naturally without fear of “I HAVE TO FALL ASLEEP, OTHERWISE EVERYONE ELSE WILL FALL ASLEEP BEFORE ME AND I WILL BE THE ONLY ONE AWAKE IN THE HOUSE” type feeling.
2. My mum always used to say to me before bed, “Don’t worry if you can’t get to sleep straight away, your body knows what is best for you and you will fall asleep at the right moment” – this used to take the pressure off of going to sleep, I stopped worrying that I had to fall asleep within minutes of going to bed.
3. When I DID have a night terror, my dad would carry me in to the kitchen and we would look out the window and he would ask me what I saw. On one night I can remember it being very dark and foggy outside and we saw a mans silhouette walking with a dog. I felt so calm, then I would fall back to sleep.
4. Keep the doors open between your bedroom and his bedroom, let him know you are near.
5. Buy a walkie talkie or make a paper cup phone between the two bedrooms, this helps a lot!! It is a “just in case I need you”.
6. A night light. Or you could make one of these beautiful night lights which look like you have captured the stars in them http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmg2s0nJ2O1qhfdjio1_500.jpg
I hope I have helped!! Vanessa
LikeLike
I do feel for you. I have a son with autism, he is 19 now. Have you tried letting him go to bed with something of yours to cuddle. eg a jumper. It sometimes works.
LikeLike
I only recently saw this blog (which is beautiful and touching and real) so don’t know if you have pets already or can have any if Toby is unreliable. But if you could, perhaps an animal might be reassurance at night and all day, too.
Wishing you and your family all the best.
LikeLike