Well, Toby’s annual statement review is sorted for another year. It was great to hear his teachers say that he’s making some progress and having compared notes with them it seems that he’s more aware of the world since starting school. Often autistic children are very withdrawn, not making eye contact or even acknowledging the presence of anyone else in the room. They can sit for hours at a time completely lost in a repetitive activity and often strongly resist being touched or held. Toby used to be quite withdrawn and can still get like this when he’s extremely stressed. I try and comfort him by touch and a soothing voice but this increases his stress and can result in a full-blown, self-harming outburst. Although it’s hard, I’ve learnt that when Toby withdraws into himself it is best just to give him some space and peace so that he can deal with his stress and I just look for the signs that he’s ready to return to our world and accept a little gentle interaction. So, the good news is that he’s withdrawing into himself less frequently at school and is noticing more around him. He’s also discovering his own opinion and often makes it quite clear – most parents are familiar with this in a normally developing child as the terrible twos!
Anyway, due to this increased awareness school have decided to start toilet training. It could be a long and arduous process but it will be wonderful to ditch the nappies at last and to think that he’s moving towards some sense of independance. At home our main target is to tackle the issue of clothing and gradually build up to getting him to wear some! Issues with clothing are typical in autistic children and can include hypersensitivity to certain textures. Toby happily accepts wearing his uniform for school but at home he strips down to his vest and nappy. He also strips when we visit friends and family or even in an indoor play area. Again this is quite common with autistic children – they’ll accept something in one location and refuse it in another. It definitely needs tackling because although it’s perfectly acceptable for a six year old to wander around half naked, it’s quite a different thing for a 6ft teenager and the longer it stays a habit, the harder it will be to change!
So, I’m now on strip-alert and as soon as I see the clothes coming off, I rush to get them back on again quickly. I am not popular at the moment and it will certainly be a challenge!
little cotton rabbits 
I wish you all the luck in the world with everything you have to do to help him and change his (for him) normal behavior!!! It really takes a long time to change these things and i know how it feels not to be very popular to help him with these things!
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Thrilled to hear the statement review went well x You are such a loving and patient Mum and it is wonderful to hear that Toby is coming out of himself a little bit more. Your patience and understanding will pay off, though I know it must be frustrating at times as you feel you are only making ‘little steps’. Hope that you manage to have some success with the potty training too.
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hurray for progress! As to strip alert – have you considered adding silver bells to his hems? 😉 Kind of like a mini-morris man!
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Love the discarded heap at the bottom of the ladder. And glad to hear the review helped crystallize some positives for you.
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It’s wonderful to hear of Toby’s progress, you must be so proud. When you mentioned how he can accept different things for different places (clothes on at school) it made me laugh as I remembered my oldest starting school last year and realising as she randomly piddled around the farm in the countryside that I ought to explain she shouldn’t be doing that in the school playground!
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Progress are a good news and for sure you will be more popular soon…Wish you the best ;o)
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So glad the annual review went well, in a way it is a shame that mainstream children don’t get this as well, I felt like I was so much more in touch with what Edward is doing at school, even though I normally very rarely see the teachers.
The stripping, hmmm, we don’t have that problem, yay! Edward is actually wants to keep his clothes clean, and on!
Toilet training, I hope it goes well, Edward is now getting to be dry at night, a milestones I never thought would be possible, so it can be done.
Well done on being such a great mummy, you a real inspiration 🙂
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ahh…the joys of mothering! good luck!
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Glad the review went well – you can relax for another year. Good luck with the clothes & toiletting, although we shall miss the snaps of Toby and his bare bum round your garden!!
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Every time you post news of Toby and your progress together, I feel such admiration for you. Toby is fortunate to have a Mum and others around him who handle him with dignity and intelligence.
That sounds a bit stuffy. Meant to say: you’re brilliant!!
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God Bless You…what a wonderful mom! What a sweet little guy!
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Good luck with the toilet training. That was the hardest thing for us and tears more than once on my part.
I also know about the clothes issue. With my girl it was easier as we had soft texture dresses that she liked to wear so would change into those. It was also suggested to me that if they would wear clothes in one place but not another to get a special new outfit that was just for the place they take clothes off in. Almost like a special “play” outfit. I know my sister-in law did something similar by having soft knit outfits with his favorite things on it (nearly pajamas) for wear just when he would be likely to strip.
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What a wonderful and patient mother you are Julie, Toby is so lucky to have you as his mum.
I have learned a lot about autism by regularly visiting your blog, so thank you for that. I hope that the good days with Toby outweigh the hard ones.
God Bless.
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Dear Julie,
You are nothing short of amazing! Toby is incredibly lucky to have you as his mum.
Take care,
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As a teacher who teaches deaf pupils and regularly writes annual review reports – I’m so glad you appreciate them! They take ages to draw togther all the assessements and write it up in a parent friendly way. We have a struggle getting some parents to attend – hard for you to believe I know
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Well done to both Toby and you on his excellent progress. I bet you are so pleased and proud of him. I really admire your patience and wish you good luck with toilet training and with keeping his clothes on. The photos are really sweet.
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Toby’s progress is wonderful, believe me his teachers are just as pleased about it as you are. Having been a special education educator I agree with Binny, many hours of time and testing go into an annual IEP or ER, to have enthusiastic involved parents is a God send for teachers, as its an entire team particiaption. No one knows a child better than it’s parents and to have that parent/teacher action team creates miracles (no matter how small) in a child with disabilities.
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I love that last photo, it made me laugh so much. I have visions of you running round the garden chasing Toby, trying to get some clothes on him. I wish you so much luck with this and hope it works out as quickly and painlessly as possible for you all.
He is very lucky to have you.
x
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You’re such a dedicated Mum and I’m glad Toby’s review went well.
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Thanks for sharing this, it really is interesting. I’ve heard and read quite a lot but anyway, it’s not the same theoretically.
All the best wishes and a virtual hug, from Mari
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Good luck with keeping the clothes on. I am sure that you must be the most patient of people and it must be so trying sometimes too. Our friends have an 8 yr old son with downs syndrome and he likes to run around in just his underwear too. They must get very cold in wintertime I am sure.
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We’re just finishing up IEP meetings at our school. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
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I’m glad the review went well–though it sounds like you have some serious homework to attend to. Good luck keeping Toby’s clothes on him!
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Oh my, I’ve just stumbled on your site and I love it here! Your bunnies are just precious. It makes me want to knit! Some twenty years ago, I knit an oversized and completely unwearable sweater, and yet my fingers are still itching. I’d love to be put on your advance notice list…
I have 3-year-old twins with autism and we are attempting toilet training with one of them. It’s definitely a challenge! I look forward to reading more.
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A striking resemblance to one Albie. Love the last picture too! Hope toilet training goes well.
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Glad to hear that there has been progress. well done and good luck with the strip alerts.
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You have so much to cope with here, and you do it so cheerfully – hats off to you, Julie, you’re clearly a fabulous mum to your littlies!
Good luck with the clothes and the toilet training. I can see how that might not go down too well in Sainsburys 😉
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Oh bravo Toby and Julie, how wonderful to hear your progress. And I am so glad you have teamed up with the school to challenge toilet training and staying dressed together. Lots of working together and small steps girl, small steps. I know it looks like the road is long, and it will feel bumpy, but you’re on your way. Small steps.
I have tears for you Julie, tears of joy. I know how uplifting these small signs of change in Toby’s behaviour make you feel. Just a tiny amount of hope, a flicker of light in this dark tunnel. Julie I am there beside you each step of the way. When I would see Bailey make a small change it would spur me on and make it possible to get up the next day and do it all again.
Julie this is the beginning, a time of growth, of going forward, well more like two forward and one back, but forward all the same. I almost want to fly over there and give you a hug and tell you it’s going to happen Julie, it’s really going to happen.
Email me when you need support, I have loads of it to give. Bring on the jocks!
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One more step along the road we go, from the old into the new, I’ll be travelling along with you. x
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I’m so pleased to hear Toby is making such good progress – you should all be really proud of yourselves. It’s also really good that you are getting good support from school.
Good luck with the next steps!
love Lesley xxx
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don’t know if this will be of any help but we started one item of clothes at a time rather than going from naked to fully dressed. So when Tom was 6 I decided we needed him to wear under pants even when he was at home, he didn’t need it but the rest of the family did. A couple of years later we moved on to underpants and track suit bottoms, later still T shirt and now clothes during the day time and underpants at all other times and only in his bedroom i.e. if he wants to come downstairs he needs to get dressed – but he’s 18 now. Small battles and little steps. But at the same time as we did underpants at home we did all clothes everywhere else. Just felt he needed somewhere where (within acceptable boundaries) he could be how he wanted to be. Brings it all back 🙂 Good luck.
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My son used to have some texture issues with clothing-not as extreme as yours but I thought I would tell you that Hanna Anderson makes wonderfully soft t-shirts and pjs. My son also loves clothes from Land’s End, as they are soft and fit well.
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Good luck with the toilet training and the clothes issue.
My friends youngest still strips and she is now a teenager, its our other kids reactions that make us laugh though,(they are all older teenagers) it used to be “oh, she is taking her clothes off again”, now its much more frantic “quick somebody, come quick, no don’t do that” till an adult arrives to make her re-dress. She only tends to do it at home though, which is something;0)
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Your a wounderful Mom.
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Wonderful to see Toby’s progress! I know how it feels to measure every tiny achievement. You are a good mum. You are so alert to his needs and so amenable to doing what works for him.
You did remind me of a neighbour we had ten years ago when we were living in a very small remote town. Chris has Fragile X syndrome and the associated severe intellectual impairment. He was 18 at the time, 6 ft 2 inches, huge and passionately fond of riding his bike in the (very quiet) street – naked. Fortunately, everyone in town had known him all his life and were very indulgent. His mother would never have been able to stop him anyway…
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I’m happy to hear that your annual review went well too 🙂 It’s always good to hear that they are making progress. I just had a conference for my eldest son who struggles quite a bit with his school work and has a modified curriculum. We also have some behavior issues that we deal with on a regular basis with him. While it’s certainly not as difficult as autism, I do sympathize with you about having to be vigilant about certain behaviors. I can be very unpopular at times too! Hang in there and know that this phase will pass. When I read that you’re dealing with potty training issues as well, it makes me think of my dread this summer of having to potty train my youngest. Good luck with Toby 🙂
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Hi Julie! Apparently my mother often went out in the garden to find me missing and a pile of clothes on the ground at age 2…I had gone walkabout! RE POTTY TRAINING…My aspergers son wore a night nappy for ages and always soiled it, I had this idea one day…I suspected he was being lazy and soiling it because it was there! So I put him to bed without it, explaining he would need to go and use the toilet when he was needed to go, AND…HE DID!!! Couldn’t believe how simple it was! Don’t know if this will work for you, but might be worth a try… My son just associated wearing the nappy with doing the unloading into it!
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